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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24915904">Retribution &amp; Reparations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellayetion/pseuds/constellayetion'>constellayetion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Culture Shock [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Apologies, Cultural norms, Culture exploration, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Scars, Sokka Hurt/Comfort, Zuko's Scar, as a cultural norm, meant as a way of bringing about justice/sacrifice, zuko comforting sokka bc he deserves it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:27:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24915904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellayetion/pseuds/constellayetion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation of Fire Nation Training, looking at how to...fix something works in the nations.<br/>Chapter One: All Zuko wanted to do was apologize… however… the ways everyone does it is...a little different from how he was taught.<br/>Chapter Two: Toph &amp; Sokka take Zuko hunting. When injuries happen there’s some disagreement over whether or not that’s suppose to happen.<br/>Chapter Three: Toph tries to fix things, Sokka tries to fix things, scars just make everything worse. But, maybe that's just for Sokka.<br/>Chapter Four: Post Boiling Rock: Sokka knows that Zuko's upset. He just doesn't know how to fix it and that's worse than anything else. He just...needs him to be okay. He just needs everyone to be okay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang &amp; Sokka (Avatar), Sokka &amp; Toph Beifong &amp; Zuko, Sokka &amp; Zuko, Toph Beifong &amp; Zuko, eventual Sokka/Zuko - Relationship, in later parts of series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Culture Shock [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2191</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Apologies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, this chapter skips back to the first night after Zuko joins them (after the whole Combustion Man thing...) So we are going back before the events of Fire Nation Training. We'll jump forward...next chapter...but for now, it's time for Toph &amp; Zuko bonding :D</p><p>TW at end</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko comes to her the first night after he joins them. Twinkletoes, Sugar Queen, Spicy, The Duke, and the Double Dumbasses had all gone to bed but Toph couldn’t sleep. </p>
<p>It happens sometimes. After long years of spending daytimes dozing and nights practicing or fighting, it was hard to change the sleep schedule. </p>
<p>Which meant that Toph was currently trying to figure out how far she could throw her earth senses. Stupid firebender had (accidentally, but whatever) burnt her feet. Which meant no kicking, no stomping, no giant hunks of rock moving like they would normally <em> leap </em>to do at her command. </p>
<p>But Toph was the Greatest Earthbender in the World. She is <em> not </em> going to let something as pesky as burnt feet stop her from <em> anything </em>. </p>
<p>She could sense with her hands fine but that required them to stay on the ground. Not great for fighting. Which meant it was time for her to refine her earth bender senses. She needed to figure out a way to keep her senses up, even if she lost contact with the ground.  </p>
<p>It had happened before, a few times, accidentally, so she <em> knew </em>she could do it. Well, in her brain. Currently, she was in the process of trying to get her body to catch up. </p>
<p>She pushes down, digging her hands into the dirt, spreading her focus out to find all the loose rocks surrounding her. Then, singling out one, she, ever so gently, flicks it into the air of the clearing, lifting her hands. And...it...drops out of focus. </p>
<p>She had decided to use the open air because, unfortunately, because of how amazing she was she couldn’t just turn off her senses. But, if her hands got separated from the ground, it was basically the same thing. </p>
<p>Maybe something bigger. Toph summons a boulder out of the ground. At the noise, she got reminded <em> again </em>of how much of a genius she was for getting out of the Air Temple for this (which was just a matter of finding a wall, making a tunnel, and shoving herself up it until she reached sweet, sweet, not hanging off a cliffside Earth). As much as she loved making Sweetness complain about under-eye bags she really didn’t need Twinkletoes asking her what she was doing. Not while she's concentrating. And, also, not when she cannot give a good answer...yet…</p>
<p>The boulder didn’t work either, dropping out of focus every quicker when she took up her hands. </p>
<p>Toph could work with this. She quickly pulls up rocks, every size, every shape, pelting them at the trees across from her and loses <em> all </em>of them as soon as she loses contact with the ground. </p>
<p>She drew back, calling just five stones to hover above her palm. How could she feel them here, but as soon as she threw them (which then she did) gone. Just like that. </p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Toph’s concentration breaks and the rock she was holding crashes and splinters across the ground. </p>
<p>“WHAT THE EFF?!” Toph shouts, (even if Dumbass #2 wouldn’t teach her the whole word she still would use as much of it as she could get) “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking, Sparky?”</p>
<p>"Oh. Sorry."</p>
<p>She hears him shuffle over to a tree and, tentatively, knock on it. </p>
<p>Huh. Maybe she should have set the standards higher.</p>
<p>“Thanks, come in, so glad to <em> see </em>you there.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t— I thought you could—”</p>
<p>“Could what?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t realize...I thought you...” he shifts his feet in...is that really what he thinks she does?</p>
<p>Toph sighs. Annoying as it was, she was more mad at her stupid, non-cooperating feet than the five-foot disaster that had walked into her practice. </p>
<p>“I usually can. It’s just with now my idiotic feet, I can’t see anything. Well, not at least without my hands. So, I was trying to…” she trails off, too tired and not wanting to keep talking until the rest of her ‘team’ sees her burns as another disability. Best to change the subject now. “Couldn’t sleep?”</p>
<p>“No, I actually, uh, wanted to apologize.”  </p>
<p><em>Hmm...this ought to be good</em>, she thinks and levels out the ground again and bends herself a rock to lean against, being able to sense a lot better with her whole back having contact. She gestures for him to do whatever he came here for. </p>
<p>And Sparky effin <b>kneels</b>. </p>
<p><em> This ought to be really good </em> </p>
<p>“I, uh, Former Crown Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation formally admit and submit myself for judgement of wrongdoing to Lady Toph Beifong of the Earth Kingdom. My foolishness and lack of care hurt you and I am so, so sorry. My own character was brought into question in a way that demands restitution. In order to make it up to you, I will inflict the same on myself and my own, suffering the same pain as you so as to not make the same mistake again.” With that she can feel Sparky holding a flame in his hand and moving his own feet to</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh no wait this is not good </em>
</p>
<p>She jumps on him. Rash, yes. Effective, also yes. Then she goes to grab his hands and then he was flailing out at hers and grabbing <em>her</em></p>
<p>“STOP IT!”</p>
<p>“NO, I’M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE!”</p>
<p>“OKAY PUT ME DOWN”</p>
<p>“NOT UNTIL YOU GET OFF ME”</p>
<p>“THAT’S THE SAME THING”</p>
<p>“GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY FACE”</p>
<p>“NOT UNTIL YOU STOP MGHHEGH”</p>
<p>“HAHA NOW TRY TO ACKKK— Did you just BITE me?”</p>
<p>“Maybe!”</p>
<p>Zuko drops her and she immediately she earthbends his hands into little earth prisons. And puts one over his mouth, for good measure and also she’s felt what those fire nation kids can spit and does <em> not </em>like it. Also because she won so she gets to. </p>
<p>Even if she does enjoy the muffled complaints coming from the Prince right now. </p>
<p>“What were you planning on doing soot-brains? You think Team Avatar will do better with two of the Savior of the World’s teachers partially maimed while also being the keepers of the elements he knows the <em> least </em>about?”</p>
<p>She un-earthbends his mouth. “I could still teach him, if I have to suffer it is part of my—” She earth-bends his mouth shut again. </p>
<p>“Part of your what? Burning yourself doesn’t un-burn me cinder-shit!” </p>
<p>She releases his mouth. </p>
<p>“I know but it’s not like I have another way to do that! This was— is supposed to help make it up—” </p>
<p>And un-releases his mouth again. </p>
<p>“How on earth was this supposed to make me feel better?”</p>
<p>At this she flops on her back and lets all of his restraints melt back into the ground. She’s too tired to keep what is now dumbass #3 from probably irreparably hurting himself (if there’s one thing she knows it’s that he doesn’t half-ass anything and would make his burns much more severe than her just for the Zuko of it all). If he won’t listen to her at this point, he wouldn’t listen at all. </p>
<p>“I really am sorry. This is just...I would be honored if you would accept my apology, however, if you do not wish to or are unable to,” he grits his teeth, “I also understand.”</p>
<p>This is really making her head hurt.</p>
<p>“WHAT?!” <em>Gods, this one might be worse than all the others. </em> “I’m not <em> not </em>accepting your apology. You’re sorry, I get it. Done. I just wasn’t accepting the pointless self-mutilation that comes with it.” </p>
<p>She can literally feel his eyebrows knitting themselves together. </p>
<p>“What, I don’t have to accept both.”</p>
<p>“Well...the...that’s the...the retribution is the apology? I can’t...you can’t <em> formally </em>accept the apology if I haven’t done it.”</p>
<p>Yikes, that was new information. She really hates formalities. </p>
<p>“So, in the Fire Nation, if someone does you wrong...the way to make it for it is by them doing it to themselves?”</p>
<p>“I mean...yeah, that’s how apologies work?”</p>
<p>She snorts, “Not everywhere, Sparky.”</p>
<p>“Huh.”</p>
<p>“So, I burn your house down...what do I have to do?”</p>
<p>“Burn your own house down.”</p>
<p>“Huh.”</p>
<p>The amount of burning that happens in the ol’FN seems to make a lot more sense now. </p>
<p>“And if I burn you…”</p>
<p>“Then, you have to burn yourself.”</p>
<p>“Well, what if I burn something else, like if I burn your kid.”</p>
<p>“Then, you have to burn your own kid.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Dang, that’s a lot, dude.”  </p>
<p>“It’s supposed to be like that.” He finally moves to a slightly relaxed sitting position, instead of a painful pseudo-kneel. “It makes it so you’re actually sorry. It ensures the apology actually means something to you.” He pokes at the rocks around his feet, so she digs her hand into the dirt and twists them into a smiley face in front of him. She’d had Aang lay them out for her before as a way to prank Sokka. It was very effective. </p>
<p>It also seemed to be effective now as Zuko lets out a quick exhale that might have been a chuckle. </p>
<p>“Tell me more.”</p>
<p>“Well, I guess...with honor it’s not great to have people lying or people being able to say things that they don’t actually make up. We need an actual way to prove that we care about when we’re wrong. So, it forces your hand. If you care you will put yourself through the pain you inflicted on another person. That way you will have no choice but to understand why you were wrong. And reason not to repeat it again.”</p>
<p>“Hmm…” </p>
<p>She twists the pebbles into a confused face with a squiggle for a mouth, still fond of the aftermath of the prank that consisted of her and Sokka laying out all the faces they could possibly think of and then all the <em> worst </em>faces they could think of. She pulls more pebbles to tap at the face’s chin. Then turns them into an approximation of Momo and his large ears. Then, a Fire Nation insignia that she had felt on the curves of carved into every wall, statue, and decoration while they were hiding there. </p>
<p>“It makes sense.”</p>
<p>He inhales, sharply, “Uh...okay.”</p>
<p>“Surprised?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess, I, uh, not a lot of people seem to think of anything we do as anything more than...messed up.” </p>
<p>“It’s hard to separate out what people do. If it’s cruelty or culture. But, that’s also not my place to do.” </p>
<p>He pauses. Moves the pebbles to resemble a crude model of the Earth Kingdom insignia instead. “I guess not.”</p>
<p>Toph snickers and pulls the shape into its proper form. “You want to know how the Earth Kingdom apologizes?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>“We don’t.”</p>
<p>“Umm….what”</p>
<p>“We don’t apologize. Apologizing admits you were wrong. We’re stubborn people, we don’t do that. If you call someone wrong, that’s not saying that they <em> did </em> something wrong, that’s saying that they <em> are </em> wrong. Entirely. Their whole person is wrong. And there are people like that but I’m not going to say that to anyone I care about, especially if I care enough to bother getting an apology instead just kicking their ass. People basically only <em> apologize </em>apologize if they’re like...fully about to die. Like, I’m talking death row. Like, you know your whole schtick is wrong and are ready to make your reckoning.” She cracks her knuckles. “So, you’re thinking, that’s pretty messed up, right?”</p>
<p>“I mean, it’s your way of life and I will respect it?”</p>
<p>“I can tell when you’re lying, dumbass”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think it’s a little messed up.”</p>
<p>Toph grins. “See! We all have our stuff! Might be a little messed up but it’s not gonna change how I live my life!” </p>
<p>“So, what do you do if you do something wrong?”</p>
<p>“Ah, there’s the right question! We don’t apologize, but we aren't total jerk-faces. We say we are ‘indebted’ to someone. So, I pound your barn into dirt, I am ‘indebted’ to you. I have something to make up to you. In the traditional ways, debts couldn’t be repaid doing anything to fix the thing you messed up…”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s—” he cuts himself off, then proceeds, slowly, “that’s uh, interesting…”</p>
<p>“Culture lesson! Why do you think that is, Sparky?”</p>
<p>“What...I don’t— How am I supposed to know?” He splutters. </p>
<p>“C’mon, use your critical thinking, I know your lessons probably had the same dignitary exercises that I had, try it out,” she goads.</p>
<p>“Well...Okay, I guess. Uh...If people, your people, Earth Kingdom people are stubborn and don’t want to admit being wrong, then, uh, being ‘indebted’ doesn’t admit to the ‘wrongness’ of an action. So, if you asked someone that was indebted to fix the thing they broke…” he breaks off. “Well, I guess….that would be like calling them wrong to their face. And, in that way, it would be like calling them amoral. Entirely wrong, as you would… It would be an insult.”</p>
<p>“Exactly! I knew there was a politician somewhere in there!” She cackles as she can feel his heartbeat pick up to rush blood into his cheeks. “So, you have to help them with something else. And there is <em> no </em> telling when someone’s debt would be up. There’s no real measure since it’s not tied to whatever you did, it is just you being in debt to the other person. It’s all this bullshit about the debt being about the owed person’s mercy and benevolence and not the actions of the culprit. Anyway, this means that a lot of these people end up tied together <em> forever</em>.”</p>
<p>He scoffs, “Why would you want to keep someone around that hurt you?”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s like your feet thing, isn’t it? If you burn me, and then have to burn yourself, haven’t we gone through something together?”</p>
<p>“Um, yeah. That’s the...yeah. I guess…”</p>
<p>“Don’t people in the Fire Nation get closer if they have to do that? If you would give up <em> that much </em>to make something right with people?”</p>
<p>“I mean...yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly how it works. We umm…” he cuts himself off. </p>
<p>“Oh, c’mon, out with it Sparky!”</p>
<p>“Don’t judge us?”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t dare.”</p>
<p>“It used to be an old, Fire Nation tradition. When a couple was about to be wed each of them, before they could, they would, with bending if you were a bender, obviously, but you could also do it with, uh, a candle, or something if you weren’t. One of them would burn the other, just on their forearm, and then burn themselves. Then the other person would do the same. Their partner, then themselves. It was a way to build trust or whatever. And then, they have to say, ‘With this hurt, I will have the pain to never commit it again’. It’s fallen out of practice to actually do since the war and more people with actual burns. People use berry-paste instead.”</p>
<p>“Whoa! We have the same thing in the Earth Kingdom! If you want to merge two families or get close to someone you destroy something of theirs! That way you would be indebted for the rest of those people’s lives,” she actually, she can’t be blushing now. No. It must just be warm. “ It’s ah..it’s supposed to be an unbreakable bond.”      </p>
<p>“Huh.”</p>
<p>“Huh. Crazy, right?”</p>
<p>“Crazy.”</p>
<p>Zuko picks the Earth Kingdom sign out of place. Toph nudges it back into disorder with no discernible shape left</p>
<p>“So, I’d really not have you burn your feet for me. In fact, if I let you do that, I think I’d be indebted to you forever.”</p>
<p>Zuko jerks and a pebble skitters away from them. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, I did come into your campsite unannounced. Knowing you, known traitor and enemy of pretty much every nation. Might be a little suspicious of things that go bump in the night.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>“Wasn’t quite yours either. Besides, that’s not what it’s about. I’d still feel...wrong about it.”</p>
<p>“Huh. Well, if I did burn my feet, we’d still have a bond forever.”</p>
<p>“Hmm...you’re right. Seems like we’re stuck either way.”</p>
<p>Zuko does that fast exhale again and Toph is <em> sure </em>it’s a laugh. </p>
<p>“I’ll flip a rock with you for it.”</p>
<p>“Really?” He leans back. “You know, depending which way it goes you might have to be indebted to me forever.”</p>
<p>“Eh, could be with worse people. Plus, the other way <em> you’re </em>indebted to me forever.”</p>
<p>“You’d have to get very acquainted with what burnt flesh smells like.”</p>
<p>“Can’t be worse than Katara’s cooking.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t let her hear that.”</p>
<p>“Well, as long as you don’t sell me out.” And then Toph is grinning and she <em> knows </em>that the moody Fire-Nation teenager was grinning too. </p>
<p>“Pick a rock, any rock,” she offers. He makes a show out of picking, and then quickly tosses one at her. Which she catches, effortlessly. “Nice try Sparky, gonna have to try harder to catch me off guard.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get it one day.” </p>
<p>“Probably not. But, seems like you’ll have time whichever way this lands” He stills at that. She hadn’t realized it either but, based off this conversation, they both meant it. Either way, one of them would have something to make up to the other. Either way, they’ll <em> both </em> have something to make up to each other. Which, as far as she was concerned, was as close as bonds get.</p>
<p>She turns the rock over in her hand and when she opens it the edges have been smoothed out, now a perfect disk with a fire nation emblem cut into one side and earth on the other. </p>
<p>He takes it into his hands. “Wow. That’s… wow.”  </p>
<p>“You gonna flip it or paint a picture?”</p>
<p>“Right, sorry.” </p>
<p>“Hey, I’ll even put my hands up, no manipulation from me.” </p>
<p>“I didn’t think you would…” he stammers but she takes her hands up anyway. Even now, even actually unsensing for once, she trusts the strange boy that had visited her. </p>
<p>She hears dirt rustling, the ping of a nail on rock, and stone falling on the ground. </p>
<p>“It’s earth.”</p>
<p>Toph lets out a breathless laugh that she hopes sounded more like her typical cackle. </p>
<p><em> Thank the Badger-Moles </em> </p>
<p>As much as Toph actually respected Zuko’s need to apologize in his tradition, she also had no desire to explain Zuko’s possible burns to the rest of the group. Since, she knew for a fact he wouldn’t explain them. It would make things...awkward. Well, more awkward. And she didn’t want the weird stomach-feeling that had come with his original guilt over it. </p>
<p>“Eff yeah! I’ve got the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation indebted to me for life!” </p>
<p>“Ex-Crown Prince.”</p>
<p>“Okay, debt-repayment number one, try not to do that around me.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“The way you talk about yourself. How do you think your bending is going to get any better with all that? I can basically feel the self-doubt radiating off you. If you want to help us take down all the baddies in the world you’re gonna have to get a lot better at being a baddie yourself.”</p>
<p>“Um…”</p>
<p>“You think I got to where I am by calling myself a helpless blind girl?”</p>
<p>“...no.”</p>
<p>“Even if someone out there thought it?”</p>
<p>“...no.”</p>
<p>“Exactly! Just because someone thinks something doesn’t make it true! Alright, Crown Prince, Firebending Extraordinaire, New Friend of the Greatest Earthbender in the World!”</p>
<p>“...alright.”</p>
<p>“Debt re-payment number two, what does ‘eff’ stand for”</p>
<p>“You don’t know?”</p>
<p>“No one else will tell me. And now you <em> have </em>to. You owe me!” She grins, demonically. </p>
<p>“I’m going to regret not burning my feet, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>She responds with her, now very convincing, cackle.   </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TW for attempted self-harm and mentioned (consensual) harm in relationships as a part of a wedding ritual (Zuko tries to burn himself the way he burnt Toph as an apology, it is a cultural norm in Fire Nation to burn your partner and then your yourself as a way of fostering empathy and promising a continued relationship without ever hurting your significant other again)</p><p>Also, just to clarify, what the two of them talk about here is for Big Apologies. Not the, I startled you, sorry, apologies. Like the, 'you done fucked up' apologies. I got inspired for this one with Iroh and Zuko's reunion in Sozin's Comet. How Zuko says, "I don't know how I can make it up to you," and how that must be a necessary part of how he thinks apologies work (they needs some factor of retribution against him for committing the offense) and well..this happened. (Plus it adds that Zuko has it even worse bc there's nothing he can do to himself to understand the pain he put Iroh through and he knows it so he can't even properly apologize :''( )</p><p>Thanks for reading! I hope you all like the continuation of this series after a truly unbelievable response to FNT??? I got a lot of plans going forward... Excitement...</p><p>Bonus points to whoever gets all the nicknames attached to the right people :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Hunt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW in end notes</p><p>Okay, so, timeline check. The last chapter was the second night after Zuko was there. In this chapter we are skipping to after the events of Fire Nation Training (so we are currently in the canon between Firebending Masters and Boiling Rock Part 1)<br/>If you haven’t read Fire Nation Training, this is what you need to know: Sokka &amp; Zuko bonded and then Zuko tried a new technique of firebending where he focused on the intent of the fire, finding that if he doesn't hold ill intent for whatever the fire was on, it wouldn't burn. While finding this out, he accidentily burnt himself because he did hold ill intent for himself. After some self-work, he figures out how to not do that (though self love :)) but Sokka walks in on him doing it and tries to stop him. After seeing the burn on his hand, realizing it was self-inflicted, Sokka stops talking to Zuko and Zuko doesn't know why.<br/>Also, time has past so Toph’s feet are healed and also it is more convenient for writing, don’t @ me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Zuko, watch out!” Toph shouts. </p><p>At the exact same time a piece of earth conveniently decides to move beneath his foot and attempts to send him sprawling. Again. </p><p>“Thanks for the heads up,” he says, dusting himself off from its obvious failure.</p><p>“No problem!” she says.</p><p>“Seems like the earth is losing its creativity, just a little bit?” he smirks.</p><p>“Seems like the earth is just trying to lull you into a false sense of security, just a little bit.” She quips back. </p><p>“Well, more than one person here has to worry about false security,” he says, deviously, and blows out a quick ring of fire to lap threateningly (but harmlessly) at her ankles. Toph stumbles back and narrows her eyes.</p><p>“Oh, it is ON Sparky!” Immediately, more fire surrounds Toph at the same time as the earth rumbles and starts cracking under Zuko’s feet. </p><p>“Can you two knock it off!? Please?! Some of us are <em> trying </em>to get stuff done?!” Sokka yells. </p><p>“Sorry Sokka,” they both chime in unison. The fire putters out and the earth returns to its normal, non-moving state. </p><p>“Someone’s cranky,” Toph mumbles. </p><p>“I heard that!” Sokka says. </p><p>Toph aims a rock at him, which Sokka ignores, and they continue in silence. </p><p>Sokka was currently leading them all on some...hunting expedition? Apparently this was what they did for food (and entertainment/bonding?) and Zuko got sent for...some reason. Some reason that involved a lot of Aang and the boy with the spectacles very strongly suggesting that Zuko could be a lot of help. Probably. Most likely. And Toph latching onto that like an oyster-frog on a ship. </p><p>Which means, totally and in a way that makes it easier to get rid of the ship than the oyster-frog. Since Zuko was the hypothetical ship, it made getting rid of either slightly more difficult. </p><p>So, here they were. Now in silence. With Sokka still leading them. </p><p>Sokka...who still hadn’t spoken to Zuko since the events a few days ago. Which, honestly, Zuko thought was a little unfair. Sure, Zuko had burnt himself. It happens. Even if it really shouldn’t. Sokka should know after however many months seeing first-hand the effects of what he called the ‘jerk-bag nation’, sometimes things that shouldn’t happen, happen. Just because Zuko was clumsy or careless or Sokka thought he was being stupid wasn’t reason enough for...all of this. </p><p>A few times Zuko had seen the other boy looking at him. Like he was…well, who knows. (Probably Sokka but right now that was very far from Zuko knowing as the South Pole was from the North). It was like...every time he and Aang came back from training or Zuko finished practicing (which he now did in the courtyard directly next to the rest of them, constantly in sight of Sokka or Toph or even the small little child that one time) it was like he was...checking over him. For what, who knows? Well, probably that he hadn’t fucked himself up again. </p><p>Spirits, Zuko could get blown half to bits, break ribs, sprain every joint in his body, have half a dozen assorted <em> other </em>burns but one measly little burn on his hand and now he’s a shame spirit? While also being made of glass? A…a… </p><p>Sokka would have a name for it...</p><p>Whatever, the water tribes probably just have some mumbo-jumbo about the ‘sacrality of their bodies’ or something. They probably think only the moon could touch them and the idea of bringing a blade to the great temple that Tui had given them in the form of the mortal container is the highest level of sacrilege.   </p><p>It’s not like Zuko <em> hadn’t </em>noticed the lack of scars on the other two. </p><p>Aang had his giant back lighting scar. (which Zuko definitely did not feel guilty about every time he saw it, no sir, not him)</p><p>Toph didn’t seem to have any big ones (then again, she didn’t take off her shirt every time Katara walked by so Zuko also might just not know about them). But, her hands, upper arms, and legs were littered with plenty of scratches and what she called ‘Rock Burn’. </p><p>However, the siblings? Nothing. Nothing at all. From what Zuko had seen. </p><p>So, maybe they were just weird about that type of thing. </p><p>The point was, Sokka didn’t seem to be talking to him. Not that Zuko had, you know, tried. To talk to him. So maybe Zuko wasn’t talking to Sokka either? Anyway, now they were all ‘hunting’, together, with Toph, who was talking to both of them, except not right now, because Sokka had told them to be quiet. </p><p>Which they continued being, until Zuko accidentally (maybe it wasn’t an accident) steps on Toph’s heel and she yells ‘Watch it Sparky!’ and he mutters ‘thought you would be able to see it coming’ and she says ‘That’s it!’ and jumps on him. </p><p>Just like old times. </p><p>Old times of one week ago. </p><p>“Would you two please, for the love of all is sacred, please, <em> please </em>, be quiet!” Sokka hisses. Toph settles into a slightly less violent perch on Zuko’s back. </p><p>“Why should we Snoozles?”</p><p>“Yeah, uh, sorry Sokka but, I, uh, I have no idea what we’re doing. Or what we are supposed to be doing.” Zuko does not make eye contact with him, he finds a very interesting rock to stare at. </p><p>He hears the sigh though. “Fine. Fine, we’ll just—”</p><p>Toph drops off his back.</p><p>“Wait, Sparky, you mean you’ve never been <em> hunting </em>before?”</p><p>“I’ve been hunting! I just...don’t recognize this terrain. Or style. Or uh…”</p><p>“You totally haven’t!” </p><p>“Yes I have! Refugee, remember?”</p><p>“Are you sure you didn’t just googly-eyes your way to food?”</p><p>“Hey, of the two of us I doubt <em> I </em>am the one whose going to pass for the poor, starving child.”</p><p>“You wish!”</p><p>“No, you wish!”</p><p>“I do wish! I wish I could see you wooing old, charitable, Earth Kingdom ladies with your oh-I’m-sad haircut!”</p><p>“I hunted before too!”</p><p>“Your honor doesn’t count.”</p><p>“For <em> food</em>. The hunt is a respected royal tradition and—”</p><p>“I’m sure you got plenty of turtle ducks to bring back to the palace.”</p><p>Zuko narrows his eyes, “I would <em> never </em>hunt a turtleduck.”</p><p>“Not like you can get anything else.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not seeing you get anything either. <em> Lady </em> Beifong”</p><p>She scowls, “Oh it is ON <em> ON </em>!”</p><p>“I’m sorry, am I missing something?” Sokka interrupts, “What— What is on? Exactly?”</p><p>“You and me are going to show Sparky a lesson. It’s <em>actual</em> hunting time.”</p><p>“Hasn’t it been—”</p><p>“Just get your weapons ready!”</p><p>Sokka yelps and pulls them out.</p><p>“Alright,” Toph mutters, digging her hands into the dirt, “let’s get her done.”</p><p>She pauses, encased to her elbow in soil.  </p><p>“Sokka, you ready?”</p><p>He silently nods. </p><p>“Three...two…” a crack rings out and a flock of cranefish take off into the air. </p><p>Sokka waits for a moment, aims his boomerang, throws it and…</p><p>Within twenty seconds one of the birds falls, directly at his feet. </p><p>Sokka holds up an arm to catch the returning boomerang and says, smugly, “Well, that’s one for us.”</p><p>Zuko arches an eyebrow and eyes the fleeing birds. </p><p>“We’ll see” is all he says before taking off. </p><p>“Wha— Wh— Zuko!” Sokka yells, but he really is too quick for him. Zuko runs up a fallen tree and leaps into the branches, within moments bringing himself into the canopy. He finds a break in it to where he could see the cranefish, still fleeing but now within his range, he prepares himself, sets off and jumps</p><p>He knows he’ll only have a few moments but takes it as he breaks out of the leaves, through the branches and takes aim at one at the back of their formation. </p><p>He hears a squawk and smiles.</p><p>Then, he falls back through the branches and makes quick work of figuring out how to not break a leg. He arches one above him, sending out a circle of fire that throws him off-course to the ground, instead crashing into a trunk and skids until he can hook a leg around a branch. There, he flips under and lands, perfectly under where the cranefish had met its unfortunate end, he catches it and turns just in time to see Sokka and Toph, staring from the ground. </p><p>“Oh, that is <em> so </em>unfair!” Sokks shouts. </p><p>“Is it? I think that makes us one to one.” Zuko smirks. </p><p>“Well, you see, your Royal Firey-ness, you used Toph’s flock. Bet you wouldn’t have been able to find them without <em> her </em>setting them off for you.” </p><p>“You mean like how you weren’t able to either?”</p><p>“I— uh— that’s— Toph! Tell him that’s unfair!” </p><p>“Zuko, that’s unfair.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“We here on Team Avatar know not to hold Snoozles to the same standards as the rest of us.” Toph cackles as Sokka returns to his spluttering. </p><p>“C’mon Toph,” Zuko says, “I don’t see you holding any meat either. Looks like you two make a great team that way.” </p><p>“Hey, gotta keep your two’s egos somehow. If y’all wanna get blood and guts on you, more power to ya.”</p><p>“Haha, see, that was just for your ego— hey!” </p><p>“Sharp as ever, Sokka.”</p><p>“Wait, guys,” Toph hisses.</p><p>“One sec, Toph. By the way, Zuko, I know for <em>certain </em>that last <em>totally</em> <em>amazing</em> flying leap was <em>completely </em>unnecessary!” </p><p>“Guys…” Toph hisses again.</p><p>“Sokka, how would you even know when a flying leap is necessary? Can you even do a flying leap?” </p><p>“I don’t need to do a flying leap! Who would ever <em> need </em>to do a flying leap?”</p><p>“Hey idiots! Look!” Toph grabs both of their heads and turns them. </p><p>There, deeper in the forest, Zuko could see…</p><p>“Woah,” Sokka says. </p><p>“Is that…” Zuko starts. “Is that a—”</p><p>“It’s a elephant-hippo-deer! Man, that thing would keep us fed for <em> weeks </em>. Think how much jerky we could make out of it— ”</p><p>“Think of how much jerky it could make out of <em> us</em>.” Zukos says, “Look at the tusks on that thing, it would spear you like a komono-kabob. Now, let’s grab the cranefish and get out of here.”</p><p>“Wait,” Toph says. “Sparky are you...scared?”</p><p>“I’m not <em>scared</em>. I’m just...sensible.”</p><p>“Surely a great, big <em> royal </em>firebender could take on a measly elephant-hippo-deer. Or are you just not that great at hunting after all?” Toph goads. </p><p>Sokka quickly catches on. “I dunno, Toph. I’m sure we’d be plenty fine without him. After all, what’s he going to do? Scare it with his pretty gymnastics? <em> Leap </em> at it?”</p><p>“Okay, fine! Let’s get this thing and <em> hope </em>that Aang can manage to teach himself bending after two of his teachers end up speared between a wild animal’s teeth.”</p><p>“Great! Glad to have ya on board buddy! So, here’s the plan, I’ll take rear, right flank, Zuko, you take head, left side. Zuko, you stun it with some fire, make it so it can’t see where it’s going. Toph, can you take care of the feet, at some distance, interfere if it looks bad, which it won’t, but still. Zuko, you cover for me and I’ll go for the stomach, sound good? Any questions?” </p><p>Zuko starts but Toph elbows him, hard, in the ribs. </p><p>“No questions. Alright team! Great, remember to wait for my signal. Head out!”      </p><p>Toph immediately drops down, crawling through the undergrowth like a serpent-seal. Sokka disappears, surprisingly managing to be silent even though he had spent the entire trip here scaring every animal within two leagues. </p><p>Zuko shrugs and grabs a branch to pull himself into the trees. </p><p>Within minutes, they all fall into place. Zuko couldn’t even see Toph anymore and could barely make out Sokka’s form, hidden on the other side of the beast. </p><p>Up close, the thing was bigger than Zuko imagined. The tusks also looked...sharper than he thought they would be. There were also an additional two, smaller ones, on the thing’s temples that Zuko had missed. Along with two more, under its chin. They all glistened with...who knows what. The light. Zuko hopes it's just the light. </p><p>It also <em> smelled </em>. Not unpleasant, necessarily. It was just...a lot. Like a mixture of mud and baked mud and bog mud and how the caves smelled in Ba Sing Se. Damp. Like someone had left it in a swamp for a few years and it had just made it out in time to inspire Sokka’s idiotic plan. Even if Toph didn’t have her earthbending-sense-thingy, Zuko would bet she could probably aim just from her nose alone. </p><p>Speaking of aim, when were they supposed to attack the large death trap they had stumbled across?</p><p>Zuko didn’t know how people would work together like this. Zuko didn’t know how people work together at all! Zuko had never even gotten to hunt with people before. He had hunted but, in faux-not-competition with his sister and other nobles on Caldera’s outer islands. It was lonely, quick sport that always left Zuko bloody and with more kills while Azula, looking ever-pristine, teased that she hadn’t cared anyway (Zuko had watched her once. She just wasn’t very good at it. And never brought back a kill.) while she went to torment some lesser nobles for fun.</p><p>He assumed he shouldn’t just...go whenever. Well, Sokka had said to wait for the signal. He hadn’t said what the signal was though. That was a problem. Maybe it was...Sokka getting into place? Since Zuko could see him from the trees? Or, actually, surely it was Toph, now making the faintest rustle, Zuko would go ahead and— </p><p>Nope. Zuko realizes what the signal is as he hears Sokka whistle out...some kind of birdcall. </p><p>A birdcall. Nice. That’s a good signal. Sokka really is a smart guy. Huh. </p><p>Zuko snaps out of it and realizes he is very much supposed to be doing something right now. What was it? Oh, yeah. </p><p>Zuko steadies his perch, then leans over and lets gravity swing him around, kicking out his feet to blow the brightest (and coolest, no need to char the thing) fire he could make, sparkling around the creature’s eyes. It blinks, confused, and roars, rising onto its hind legs. That’s when Toph makes her work. Zuko sees one, then two back feet sink into the mud and solidify, then both the front feet sink into its knees as soon as it falls back down.</p><p>“Nice going, Toph!” Sokka whoops. </p><p>From here, Zuko can see Sokka taking a running start, however, like <em> always</em>, he had already announced where he was to the <em> entire world</em>. </p><p>The creature swings its head around to try to figure out what the noise was, its tail moves to compensate and...Sokka promptly found himself slamming into a tree trunk. </p><p>An earth wall appears to block the tail from returning to make Sokka into part of the tree trunk and the creature takes the opportunity to rip one of its front legs free, roaring in pain. </p><p>Zuko doesn’t think, he just moves. In one swoop he finds himself leaping, falling, and landing directly on the creature’s back, wrestling it's head in the other direction of Toph. </p><p>Dumb idea, yes. Going to get them the kill while also not being killed, also yes. </p><p>From here, he could see Toph, her hands digging into the earth and surfing a wave that was sending her straight to the beast. </p><p>Zuko leaps over the beast’s face, trailing another arc of fire to confuse its eyesight (and, hopefully, its nose, that seemed to be more accurate). The creature pulls away in fear and the smaller, mouth tusk glances along his side as he slams, gently, into the ground in front of it.</p><p>And immediately rolls to dodge the hoof aiming at his head. He feels it barely missing him (along with the lance of white-hot <em> awareness </em> that means that tusk might have not been so much of a glance but that was to be dealt with later and <em> wow </em>Zuko was awake now).</p><p>He smiles. Now, the fight was truly on. Toph seems to think the same, as she moves quickly in the earth around it, vines of hard stone lashing onto the front hoof and violently pulling, deeper into the earth, lurching the thing forward. </p><p>Zuko takes advantage of the moment, pulling his swords out. </p><p>Toph seems to be barely holding her own, as she continues to try to evade the ever-closer tusks. She makes a final move, grounding herself to fully submerge it, while the creature shakes off its bindings and lunges forward— </p><p>Zuko moves but Toph is faster, instead dropping herself inside the ground. Still, the rocks shake and more earth latches onto the thing’s hide so...Zuko figures she’s probably fine. </p><p>Zuko hears Sokka groan and sees the boy sitting at the base of the tree. Probably...not doing great. Then, Sokka’s eyes widen and awareness hits. Zuko sees him look at him, his eyebrows pushing together and doing that awful thinking thing. Then, he looks at the rest of the fight, looking and his eyes widen and widen and oh— probably would be best to end this fight soon. </p><p>Zuko dashes around the side of the beast, barely avoiding flying rock and then ducks under the large tail, which has a terrifyingly accurate perception of where he was. He ducks, jumps, then kicks off of it, using the momentum of its backswing to slide under the elephant-hippo-deer, his blade held above him and braced against his shoulder, and cuts its stomach in one fluid motion. </p><p>He slides out, quickly sheathing his swords in motion (glad he practiced <em> that </em>particular skill) and looks up…</p><p>To see the beast lumbring, lumbring, and falling directly towards him. </p><p>Before he feels the ground move and then the beast and falling and Zuko watched it from the safety of not-about-to-be-crushed ground.</p><p>He breathes a sigh of relief. </p><p>Before, feeling his clothes get pulled as a hand closes around the nape of his neck and pulls him up</p><p>“Hey Sokka.”</p><p>“Where is Toph?! Is she— Did it <em> eat </em>her? Did it crush her?! Oh, it did. You were right, this was a terrible idea, that thing totally ate Toph” Sokka splutters, his eyes wide and glistening and his voice high and unstable. “What the fu—” </p><p>A tunnel appeared next to them and spits Toph out. She shakes some loose rocks off. </p><p>“Sup.”</p><p>Sokka looks like he’s about to scream. “Wh— Ho— What <em> was </em> that you two? I mean what the...what the—”</p><p>“C’mon Snuffles, you can do it.”</p><p>“<em> WHAT THE FUDGE?!” </em></p><p>“Whaddya mean,” Zuko forces out. He is...tired. And without Sokka grabbing him and holding him up, standing seems to be very, very hard. </p><p>He falls, eloquently, to sitting in a way he hopes looks purposeful. </p><p>Wow, that thing was <em> way </em>bigger than he thought it would be. And squishy-ier. Squishy. Squishy.   </p><p>Oh, Sokka’s talking. “Well. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but, both of you are like...covered in blood? Which is, at least in Sokka’s book, <em> NOT GREAT!” </em></p><p>“Hey, it’s a healthy coating,” Toph jokes. “Not like I would notice anyway.”</p><p>“You know,” Zuko says, smiling, “My sister always said...unless you end up bloody, you weren’t in a real fight.” </p><p>Toph laughs. “I think The Hippo said that too! Except, he’d mostly just end up with tiny scrapes and calls them ‘micro-abrasions for macro-results’.” </p><p>They both laugh, again, harder. Zuko’s stomach hurts. Probably from laughing, which just makes him laugh harder, even when Toph throws out a punch to his shoulder and he falls over onto his side.</p><p>Sokka looks at the two of them. Then, buries his face into his hands.</p><p>“That’s not...that’s not a thing.” </p><p>“Yes it is. Haven’t you ever heard ‘broken bones lead to broken expectations’?” Toph asks</p><p>“Or,” Zuko offers, “‘A cut heals but the lesson always stays’?”</p><p>“‘<em> Smart</em>-ing wounds’ That was the Boulder’s, or Xin Fu would say ‘The best armour is metal, the second is a good scar’”</p><p>“‘Either your body or your potential can suffer’?”</p><p>“‘The only unmarked soldier is the one in an early grave’?” </p><p>“‘Only sacrifice offers reward’?”</p><p>“‘No injuries no improvement’?”</p><p>“Okay!” Sokka digs his fingers into his temples, “I get the point. You guys just love excuses to hurt yourself, great, good for you.” </p><p>Sokka's tone wasn't joking. Toph stops laughing and Zuko, slower than he should've, gets the message and stops too. Somehow, his stomach still hurts. </p><p>Sokka's eyes look so tired. That’s not right. They’re not suppose to be that way they’re supposed to be...not that way. Damn, Zuko is tired. Thoughts are...very hard.  </p><p>“Toph, come here. Please.” </p><p>Surprisingly, she obeys. Sokka digs into the pack he had brought with him and pulls out a skin of...something and some kind of bandages. </p><p>“Can you show me where you got hurt?” </p><p>Toph obediently points to her shoulder, shimmying off her tunic enough for him to deal with it. It seems that the tusks did get her, as she had a long, jagged cut starting at her collarbone and twisting, in uneven lines, to the top of her arm. </p><p>Sokka sighs, seeing it. </p><p>“I’ll have Katara look at fixing the shirt for you” is all he says. Then, he continues cleaning, putting some of whatever he had on it, and bandaging. </p><p>Numbly, Zuko realizes he should probably do the same. He moves to get up and— </p><p>Oof. Stings a little. Not that it should matter.. It’s fine. He’s fine. No pain no… He pushes himself to sitting, gritting his teeth, and grabs onto a nearby rock to pull himself up and— </p><p>“Zuko. Sit down.” Sokka says.</p><p>Zuko sits. </p><p>Sokka continues wrapping Toph’s shoulder, occasionally asking if something is too tight or too loose and then uses...some kind of pin to hold the torn parts of her tunic together, gently smoothing a hand over it. </p><p>“Anywhere else?” Sokka asks. Toph shakes her head and Sokka looks over her anyway, giving a slight pause to a cut on the back of her ankle which she barely fussed at when he puts another bandage on it. </p><p>Then, he turns to Zuko. </p><p>“I can...if you…” Zuko grabs at the skin, at whatever. Sokka grabs his fumbling hands and, lightly, pushes them back, against his sides.</p><p>“This was my hunt. It’s my job to take care of you.”</p><p>“Oh. Umm…” He probably shouldn’t let him. But also Zuko feels very warm right now and thinking is very hard and Sokka looks very, very trustworthy with the sun behind him and his hand on Zuko’s wrist. </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>He lets him.  </p><p>Sokka’s fingers trace down his arm. Zuko looks away while Sokka looks at the damage. </p><p>He speaks gently. “Do you want to do this with the shirt on or off?”</p><p>Zuko hadn’t realized that… well… shirt off would be easier. He unties the sash around his waist and shrugs off the tunic, trying to, this should be easy, to shrug it off, catching at his shoulder, at his side, twisting into his ribs like that thing had actually speared him and...nice hands grabbed the fabric, precisely, and slides it off, laying it somewhere next to him. </p><p>Sokka doesn’t look at him. Zuko stares at the trees. </p><p>Then, fingers run up his side and Zuko does <em> not </em> shiver, he doesn’t even pay <em> any </em>attention to them. </p><p>They’re surprisingly cool. Maybe Zuko’s skin was just overly warm. </p><p>Sokka wastes no time, cleaning, treating, apologizing for the sting. Too soon, no, too long, no, after an appropriate amount of time, Zuko’s side was bandaged, stuck to his skin with sticky paper and Sokka was slipping Zuko’s tunic back over his shoulders, tying the sash, one more knot than Zuko usually did. </p><p>Zuko hadn’t even looked down to see the extent of it. </p><p>Sokka throws the bag down and settles between the two of them. </p><p>Vaguely, Zuko realizes this probably means Sokka didn’t get hurt. Which was good. Or wasn’t dealing with them. Which was not good. But, probably, just...wasn’t hurt. The wind had been knocked out of him but Zuko knew that probably wouldn't lead to anything other than some soreness. Not anything that could be bandaged up. Zuko had never not gotten, at least, some kind of injury on any hunt or fight or...anything. </p><p>Even Toph seems to not know what to do. Sometimes Zuko can forget she’s a twelve-year old, still just a kid. </p><p>But, then again, so was Sokka and still was taking care of her like a— </p><p>Like a…</p><p>Like a...who knows. </p><p>Not a parent, no parent that she or Zuko had even seen acted like that. Not a tutor. Not someone concerned with a lesson learned (like a father) or any end result (like a father) or making either of them into something different (like a—</p><p>Not a sibling, something Toph wouldn’t know about and Zuko wouldn’t either, judging from how Sokka and Katara acted. Not like a mother. Maybe like a mother. Not like... It was like... Who knows. Zuko had thought people were permanent before and now here he is with enemies becoming people who softly touched your bleeding stomach and apologized before pressing on the wound. People you know only did it to stop the blood. People who wanted to stop the blood. People who knew how to—  </p><p>“I’m sorry you both got hurt.” Sokka speaks softly, but clearly. </p><p>“It’s fine,” Toph says, aggressively casual. “It always happens! It’s— No big change for Team Avatar, right? We went too many days without almost dying, I was starting to think maybe we already had kicked it!”</p><p>Zuko gives her a pity chuckle but he thinks even Toph knows it was fake. She goes back to picking at the ground. </p><p>None of them talk for a while. </p><p>Sokka is the one to break it. </p><p>“In the South Pole, we have our own saying about um, it’s ‘A great hunter is not the one to bring back a great kill. He is the one to bring back a great team, unharmed’.”</p><p>Sokka sucks in a breath.</p><p>“I get why you both are...the way you are. That’s just not how we— I do things. Did things. Do things. I dunno. It just…” </p><p>Sokka’s voice softens, to that small, unsure place. </p><p>“I just don’t like seeing you guys get hurt.”</p><p>Zuko hears clothing rustle. He looks over to see Toph’s head, buried into Sokka’s shoulder. He puts his arm around her and pulls her closer to his side. </p><p>And well, if Zuko moves over a bit closer to them, no one else was there to comment on it. </p><p>Even if Sokka’s arm wrapped around him as well.   </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TW: animal harm (they go hunting and non-graphically kill two birds and Zuko cuts the stomach of a large, wild animal); self-destructive tendencies typical to Toph and Zuko, they also make jokes about purposefully injurying themselves in the name of 'improvment'</p><p>Hey guys! Thanks for reading! This chapter was a...beast to write. Hunting is hard. But, this is basically me thinking about the differences in how training/how hard you go in training works in the different nations. We got to see some of how Zuko/FN pushes himself in FNT and I feel like Toph/EK would do the same (we see similar tendencies in how Toph trains Aang, normalizing some amount of pain in the name of resilence). Both nations emphasize power/stability which requires some amount of grounding and acceptance of getting hurt. In contrast, the Water Tribes emphasize adaption, instead of taking the hit, it's best to divert it back. This is especially true since, in training, their climates are much more dangerous. If you miscalculate a risk in the Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom you might end up with a too-high fall or an ineffective landing and the injuries to match. However, if you miscalculate a risk in a boat in the South Pole, you can mess yourself and your people up a lot more (drowning, hypothermia, etc). We'll probably talk about this more later :)<br/>As always, feel free to <a href="https://constallayetions.tumblr.com/"> hit me up on tumblr! </a> I love talking about this stuff! Let me know any proverbs y'all think any of the nations would have (since I seem to end up writing a bunch of them for like...every single chapter)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Old Marks, New Mistakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Toph tries to fix things, Sokka tries to fix things, Aang just wants to fly around.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW at end</p><p>Hi darlings, I know what you’re all wondering: are things going to continue being bad and awkward between Zuko and Sokka? Yes. :). Because they need to have an awkward day long journey to Boiling Rock so they can still get the sweet, sweet Boiling Rock Bonding. :). (I will fix it soon. Literally in the next chapter. With no further pain strings attached. But First. We need more angst. And misunderstandings. Much Love).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once everything is put away, the animal gutted or whatever Zuko and Sokka did with it, and they were lounging in the long grass, Sokka splashing his feet in a puddle, and Zuko off to deal with forces of nature for a second, Toph decides to attempt to impress some tact on Sokka. </p><p>She wants to say, ‘hey, I know you’re probably thinking about being a dumbass so please don’t’ or ‘whatever weird leadership responsibility you’re currently thinking about, lay off’ or ‘never mention anything we did today to anyone else, knowledge is power you give someone else over you and you need all the legs up you can get’. </p><p>Her actual statement was much shorter. But causes just as many problems. </p><p>“Hey, don’t tell Katara.” </p><p>“What, why—”</p><p>“I don’t need missus getting all up in my business.”</p><p>“Katara won’t—” </p><p>“She already goes through my stuff, I don’t need her literally going through my soul.”</p><p>“--Chi paths—”</p><p>“Oh, I thought Mr. Science didn’t believe in that stuff!”</p><p>“Hey, a dude listens when people talk—”</p><p>“Chi, soul, inside of my physical body. Same difference.”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“It’s private! No matter what you call it!”</p><p>“Okay, well...fair enough.”</p><p>“Besides, I dig the ‘look’. Scars are cool.”</p><p>At this Sokka fails to respond. </p><p>He starts, stops himself, stops again, and then just says, “No, they’re not.”</p><p>
  <em> Okay, well that’s new.  </em>
</p><p>“Yes, they are.” </p><p>
  <em> Wow, great comeback Toph, trashtalker of the year. </em>
</p><p>“No they’re not.</p><p>“Yes they are.”</p><p>“No. They’re not.”</p><p>“Yes. They are.”     </p><p>“I can’t believe we’re even— You can’t even <em> see </em>them.”</p><p>“It’s the vibe. It’s a cool vibe.”</p><p>“Scars do not have vibes.”</p><p>“Yes they do. They have huge vibes. Giant Vibes. Big enough for a blind girl to see with her feet.”</p><p>“Well. You know what? They... Ugh. You shouldn’t <em> want </em> it to scar, that’s <em> bad</em>.”</p><p>“Well I do.”</p><p>“But you <em> shouldn’t </em>”</p><p>“Geez, Snuffles, what’s it to you? It’s my shoulder.”</p><p>“It was my hunt!”</p><p>“And you did a great job. Kept us alive like a champ. I’ve even got the scar to prove it.”</p><p>“That’s not…” She can feel how hard Sokka is clenching his jaw right now, it’s amazing he still has all his teeth, “The scar proves nothing other than—”</p><p>“I took on a badass beast like a badass.”</p><p>“No”</p><p>“Nobody should mess with me”</p><p>“No”</p><p>“If you see this, you should see the other guy!”</p><p>“No it’s—”</p><p>“C’mon Snuffles, let me have a bit of pride!”</p><p>“It’s not a point of pride!” He hisses, “Scars are <em> not </em> something to be proud of, they aren’t cool, they aren’t a mark of strength, they aren’t anything other than a mark of <em> shame</em>, of total failure.”</p><p><em> Shit</em>. </p><p>What Sokka hadn’t realized, when he was busy trying to chip his own teeth, was Zuko had returned, standing behind him, and now was wavering with his heart rate ready to run and his fingernails digging into his palm. </p><p>And then he did. Run. </p><p>And Toph could hear the blood in her ears and sure, Bird-brains would be sorry but it wouldn’t make the emo-lost-his-entire-family-and-half-his-face-guy any less of a flight risk. </p><p>Even if Sokka yells after said flight risk, and then, the absolute dumbass says, “I’m gonna go after him.”</p><p>Toph barely holds back from throwing him <em> into </em>the earth. Even still, she can feel it moving to grip at his feet as she throws him back. </p><p>“No, dumbass, let me. I think you’ve done enough already.” she says and goes to go fix this shit. </p><p>It doesn’t take long to find him but…</p><p>He was staring at the abyss. </p><p>Yikes. That’s probably not good, right?</p><p>Toph doesn’t really have a baseline for what is good and normal behavior though. Well, best to be gentle, regardless. </p><p>“Hey dude,” she says, throwing a rock at his head. </p><p>He moves his head and it goes flying past, into the chasm.</p><p>“Hey.” he says. </p><p>She walks to where he was standing and plops down next to him, scooting until she can feel the ledge. </p><p>“Can you describe it to me?”</p><p>“Oh, the uh…?” he gestures at his face.</p><p>“Oh, no, the, you know, huge gaping pit you’re staring at.” She feels like she should elaborate. “Giant empty space with nothing in it doesn’t really do it for me.” Perfect.</p><p>“Oh. Can’t you...whatever...all the rock around it?”</p><p>“Yeah but...it’s not the same. I don’t know what <em> in </em>it.”</p><p>He sits next to her. </p><p>“Well it’s...it’s big.” </p><p>“I never would have guessed.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m trying. I’m not the most...enjoy the scenery and appreciate nature kinda guy. If you want that, you should ask Aang.”</p><p>“But I asked you.”</p><p>He pauses. </p><p>“Put your hands out.”</p><p>“I hope this isn’t a trap—”</p><p>“It’s not.”</p><p>“If I fall off this ledge, I will find a way to come back from the dead and I will beat the shit out of you.”</p><p>“Here, don’t worry, I’ve can— ” his hand reaches around to grab at her shoulder, her elbow on the injured side. “Okay?”</p><p>She learns forward, then sticks her arms out, leaning even further and further and </p><p>“I don’t feel—”</p><p>“Wait a second.”</p><p>She does. </p><p>“Woah, is that…” as she stretches her hands out she could feel it...moving. What she could only feel as a big hunk of nothing was full of some swirling, moving, liquid? No, not quite liquid. It was fine and thin and she could move her hand through it. Wait, could she? </p><p>She tests it. </p><p>She could. So, not a liquid but not quite air. She could feel something damp collecting on her hands as she moved them though… It felt cold but not bad cold. Nice cold. Cold air on a summer day kind of cold. A cool glass under a hot sun kind of cold. </p><p>“What <em> is </em>that?”</p><p>“It, uh, it’s fog. The whole canyon is full of it.” Toph leans her hands back and Zuko lets go of her. Putting her hands on the ground, she takes the opportunity to stick a foot in the “fog” and feel how much she could really see, properly, as he continues, “It’s um...it’s thick. And big. For us, it’s still hard to see through so I can only see, probably as far into it as it is to that rock,” he gestures to a rock behind them, surprisingly close.</p><p>“Damn. You dumbasses can’t see as much as me!”</p><p>He laughs, “Yeah, basically. It’s cold. My uncle says that it’s made up of water in the air. Like how water collects on plants in the morning? It’s the same as that but without the plants. He says it’s” he drops his voice, “a gift of the clouds coming to visit us on the ground for a while,” he over exaggerates one of his gestures and almost hits himself in the face. </p><p>Toph decides to pretend to not ‘see’ that.  </p><p>“Huh”</p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>“Cool”</p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>“It feels weird.”</p><p>“It does. Gets everything wet.”</p><p>“Uck.”</p><p>“Terrible for ships.”</p><p>“I can imagine.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Still cool though”</p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>Toph wonders if Katara could turn the ‘fog’ into water. Or if Aang could turn it back into air. Or if Sparky could just blast the whole thing and turn it all into steam. If this war ever does end, she’ll have to take some chances to push her friends into doing really stupid things. Like simultaneously four-elements-attacking canyon air.</p><p>But for now, she could be steady for a few of her friends. Not everyone was able to notice as much as she could and Toph wasn’t sure if it was something to hold against people yet. </p><p>“What Sokka said kind of sucked.” </p><p>“It’s fine”</p><p>“No, it kinda sucked.”</p><p>Zuko hums. </p><p>His hands steady themselves on the rock next to him and his head angles up, towards the sun. </p><p>“My scar is part of who I am. I’m not ashamed of it. Even if some people think I should be.” In the silence, ducks his head back down, his hair falling over his face. “It’s uh, it’s pretty big.”</p><p>“Like the canyon.”</p><p>“Not that big.”</p><p>Toph snorts.</p><p>“It like, goes from right next to my nose to a little bit past my ear like,” on his own face, he touches the inside slope of his nose and then a spot a bit past his ear, where it presumably ends, “and then it’s uh,” he touches a spot on his forehead, tracing it back through his hair, “and um,” here he touches his cheek, right under the bone, and moves his hand back. “And it’s...it’s dark. I’m pretty pale so everything shows up on my skin. But, this really does. It’s pretty deep, especially, right over my eye where it...” Zuko’s breath catches. </p><p>“Am I pale?”</p><p>Zuko looks over, “I mean— yeah? Yeah. You’re like, almost the same as me.”</p><p>“So, mine will show up dark too?”</p><p>“It’s um… Yeah, it will.”</p><p>Toph feels the bandage, through her tunic. Then smiles. “Cool.”</p><p>“The other ones, uh, they’re a little lighter? Sometimes scars go lighter than your skin color, sometimes they go darker, but these,” Zuko points at her fingers, “are lighter for you. Harder to notice.” </p><p>“Wait, I have MORE scars?”</p><p>“Umm….yeah?”</p><p>“That you can <em> SEE?! </em>”</p><p>“Yeah…?”</p><p>“With your <em> EYES?! </em>”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“OH FUCK YEAH!!! That’s metal as <em> fuck </em>!” Toph yells. </p><p>“Did you not...know?”</p><p>“What, I mean, I could feel them but I usually assume anything one of you don’t decide to mention you can’t see. Which is most stuff.” </p><p>“Well, yeah, you’ve got…” he points at her fingers, “light ones here that trace up and,” he points to where her thumb meets her wrist, “the longest one ends here.” </p><p>“Well, I know <em> that </em>.”</p><p>He bristles, “I don’t know what you know or don’t know.”</p><p>“Relax, Sparky, I’m just bullying you, can you see this one?” She points at a spot on her ankle from when one of Azula’s crazy friends had nicked her with her knife. </p><p>“Umm, yeah, it’s pretty small though.”</p><p>“What about this one?” She pulls up her pants leg to show the back of her calf, where she had tripped over Sokka’s boomerang in the desert. </p><p>“Yeah, that one’s bigger, it’s kinda dark. More visible. Looks like it went deeper when it happened.”</p><p>“Cool. What about here?”</p><p>She shows him the bottom of her foot. </p><p>“Oh, uh,” he learns forward, “No, nothing. Wait, is that a trick?”</p><p>“No.” she says, putting her foot back down. “I stepped on glass. Back when I couldn’t ‘see’ so well. I was going to go practice and couldn’t tell the difference between how earth and how kinda-earth felt yet so… I was really young though so it makes sense.”</p><p>“Well, can you still feel it?”</p><p>“No. I just thought it might still show up.” </p><p>She kicks her feet against the fog, which feels so <em> weird </em> and Zuko flicks her in the shoulder. </p><p>“My parents would hate seeing me like this. They never let me do anything. They would <em> hate </em>that their little girl has big ass scars that they can’t even cover up for ‘High Society’.” </p><p>Zuko snickers. “Why do you even like them so much?”</p><p>Toph shrugs. “I dunno.” She absentmindedly throws a rock at the fog. Which the fog does nothing to stop. “It makes it seem like I’ve done something. Like, it’s some evidence that I’ve gotten to be alive for a little bit. And, even if my parents ever did get me back, they would never be able to get rid of that.”</p><p>“I heard that they...try to do that sometimes in the Earth Kingdom’.”</p><p>“Only for the nobles. Scars are basically banned at their functions but that’s because the war is basically banned at their functions. They didn’t want to talk about violence and then that became any evidence of violence and then that became any evidence that you’ve done anything other than moisturize and drink tea for your entire life. Once, I scraped my knee as a kid and they made me wear padded robes for like, a month. Had to get them specialty made or something.”</p><p>“But…” Zuko stops.</p><p>“But, I’m the best earthbender in the world?”</p><p>He blushes. How cute. “It’s just, what I've heard people say.”</p><p>“Don’t say that like you need me to prove it, Cinder-shit. I had to learn in secret.”</p><p>“That’s...Impressive. I can’t believe you could do that…”</p><p>“Well, the badger-moles helped.”</p><p>“The badger-moles…”</p><p>“Yup! Best teachers out of the Four Nations if you ask me! If I had my way, Aang would be locked up with them right now!”</p><p>Zuko considers this. </p><p>“...we could put a dragon in there and he’d probably get firebending down.”</p><p>“Good point, Sparky!”</p><p>“Put a hole in the ceiling for the moon.”</p><p>“Or just flood it with ocean water.”</p><p>“And Appa would be there.”</p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p>Zuko snorts. </p><p>“You think they would get along? A dragon and a badger-mole?” He asks. </p><p>“I mean, we get on pretty well.” She punches his shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, but neither of us have fangs or claws or no consequences for murdering one of the Avatar’s masters.”</p><p>“Well, speak for yourself. You haven’t seen me and Sugar-Queen fight yet.” Toph cackles as Zuko’s heart stutters at that <strike>terrifying</strike> exciting scenario.  </p><p>///</p><p>Sokka needs to stop arguing with twelve-year-olds. He just wishes they would stop making it so gosh-darn hard. </p><p>Which is what he’s thinking instead of actually <em> thinking </em>as he basically yells as one of the said twelve-year-olds. </p><p>“—they aren’t anything other than a mark of shame, of total failure—”</p><p>Sokka might be projecting a little bit there, but fudge everyone, no one was in his brain to know that. </p><p>He starts to feel bad when Toph says nothing and her lips press into a thin line and her eyebrows lower over her eyes</p><p>And Sokka remembers who was about to join them. </p><p>He turns and feels a lot worse when he <em>sees</em> him , in fully living color with the fully living (is scar tissue living?) thing across his face, and gets a glimpse of one working eye widened, and then Zuko turns and Sokka sees the flash of red, covering half of his head and then his back and him walking away.  </p><p>“Wait, Zuko it’s— Zuko!” Sokka shouts. “I’m gonna go after him.”</p><p>A hand curls in his collar and shoves him back. </p><p>“No, dumbass, let me. I think you’ve done enough already.” Toph spits and he watches her leave too. </p><p>And then there was one.     </p><p>Sokka sighs. </p><p>Another fuck up (Fudge up, the voice that sounds like his dad in his head corrects) at the expense of the fucked (fudged) up Fire Prince. </p><p>The guy he had finally gotten talking to him, opening up, and then immediately fucked (fudged) it all up like a….stupid person. Bastard. Asshole. Bitch. Other words that Bato wouldn’t teach him. </p><p>It was going well! It was going so well! Sokka had a friend his age and Zuko had a friend, point blank, period (seemed rare for him). And Sokka had just….</p><p>Well, that wasn’t really fair, Sokka wasn’t the one who had decided to set himself on fire—</p><p>Times like these really make Sokka want to believe in the spirits more so he could blame them for the whole mess. </p><p>Maybe he should talk to the spirit-y-est of all of them!</p><p><em> Exactly! Great idea Sokka! </em> He thinks as he doesn't run but walks with purpose to go find Aang.  </p><p>He found the other magical twelve-year old dicking around with Teo (another teen with way too much power) and Momo around the cliffs. </p><p>“Hey, um, Avatar! Aang! Fiend of the sky! Dude, get down here!” Sokka yells up at the air.</p><p>“What was that Sokka?” Aang yells back.</p><p>“Get! Down! Here!” He yells. </p><p>“Yeah, the sky is pretty clear! ” he yells back.</p><p>“No! You! Get! Down! Here!”</p><p>“No, I don’t have any fear!” </p><p>“No, You! Here!”</p><p>“Mirror?”</p><p>“Here!”</p><p>“Spear?”</p><p>Sokka gives up and does a pantomime that he hopes conveys the idea of Aang coming down...which seems to work...somehow. </p><p>Aang skids to a stop in front of him. </p><p>“What’s going on, Sifu Sword-bender? You catch any good...ah...berries?”</p><p>“Does your scar bother you?” <em> Great subtlety, Sokka, eased right into it. </em> </p><p>“Oh uh,” Aang whirls his glider until it snaps shut and sits down. Sokka follows suit, slightly less gracefully. “It hurts sometimes. It’s usually just a...little ache but sometimes it’s worse. Like, when I have nightmares or when… It used to do that when I firebent.”</p><p>“Oh. I’m sorry, dude.”</p><p>“It’s okay!” he says, brightly, “It’s not too bad anymore and it’s better than being dead!” </p><p>“I meant like...emotionally? Does it bother you having a scar?”</p><p>“Oh.” Aang scratches his head. “Not really? No. Should it?”</p><p>“I mean—!” Sokka cuts himself off. “It… I don’t know.” </p><p>“It’s just...another part of me, I guess? I don’t think much about it. I mean, it’s just skin!” he laughs.</p><p>“Yeah…” Sokka says. “Just skin.”</p><p>“Totally, just slightly different skin.” Aang says. </p><p>They sit in silence. Aang still tries to smile but instead it just looks like his gums became allergic to his teeth. </p><p>Finally, Aang asks “Does it, uh, bother you?”</p><p>“Nope, no, not at all. Nope. Doesn’t bother me. Not at all. Nope. We’re all good over here. Yup. No bothering. None at all.”</p><p>“Alright...then…”</p><p>“What, do you not believe me?”</p><p>“What? No! Of course not! That was super, super convincing Sokka!” Aang smiles, sweating. </p><p>“I think I need to apologize to Zuko.”</p><p>“Okay…? Is there a reason?”</p><p>“Yes. Well, yeah. That’s what… there’s a few reasons.” </p><p>“Okay. Why don’t you start at the first one?”</p><p>Sokka sighs. “Well, it started with—” wait, with logic (or shame, if that’s what now has a permanent address where Sokka’s stomach used to be) arriving for a rare special occasion, he couldn’t ask this child, who had much more important things, to deal with Sokka’s sad, sad ability to not be a total dick to his wanna-be friends, especially to the first (second? Did Suki count?) one who wasn’t either his sister or his sister’s friend or his sister’s friend’s friend “you know what, actually, this was already a super enlightening conversation, thank you for all the help, I will go deal with this right away, thanks Aang!” Sokka turns to leave and finds Aang already standing in front of him. </p><p>“I’m sure you are a very busy twelve-year-old and I wouldn’t want to infringe—” Sokka turns again and Aang is standing there, now with an eyebrow raised. </p><p>“I’ve got it handled?” </p><p>A wave of air knocks his feet out from under him, and Sokka falls on his butt, Aang gently letting the same wave elegantly sweep him to seated. </p><p>“Sokka. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help—”</p><p>“I know but—”</p><p>“Or advice—”</p><p>“Yeah but—”</p><p>“And your ability to ask for both makes you a more able leader, not a less able individual.”</p><p>“Yeah I— okay. Yeah, okay.” </p><p>Sokka rubs his backside. He gets toppled by at least one of the high-powered pre-teens daily but it didn’t stop it from hurting. </p><p>“So, the first thing. I ffffmessed up. I messed up. I uh— walked in to check on the guy, this was a few days ago, and Zuko was on fire?” </p><p>Aang quirks an eyebrow and stays silent.</p><p>“Well, anyway, I kinda freaked out and we both ended up in a fountain for <em> reasons</em>, don’t worry about it, I’m certainly not worrying about it, but then I think my brain stopped working which seems to be happening a lot but I'm choosing to not be concerned but then some other stuff happened and it’s not like I’m <em> trying </em> to be insensitive but I definitely said some not-so-sensitive stuff that he wasn’t <em> supposed </em> to hear but what can you do he did but then there’s also some stuff and it’s not like I meant to be hurtful or whatever I would never want to hurt him, well I did for a while and he still makes me really really really angry like when he hurt his hand <em>on purpose</em> or when he and Toph basically tried to kill themselves for fun and I didn’t stop them like an <em> idiot </em> but I don’t want him to be hurt even if sometimes I kinda want to hurt him anyway I just didn’t know how to deal with some stuff and I thought that something was happening that I’m not sure if that’s what is happening but it might also be what’s happening and it would be really really really bad if that is what is happening and I don’t know how to deal with it or stop it.” Sokka catches his breath. </p><p>“But, either way, my behavior probably wasn’t terribly great especially since I kinda haven’t talked to him until today, if you haven’t noticed—”</p><p>“I noticed.” Aang says.</p><p>“—Great, yeah, of course, anyway, yeah, so I don’t know what to do about all that but I definitely maybe said that scars were bad in front of him so anyway and he left before I could explain but I don't know if I know how to—” Sokka makes some gestures that are suppose to convey all the things that he did not know how to… “uh, explain. Everything. To him.”</p><p>Aang steeples his hands in front of him. “Hmm…”</p><p>“Hmm… Yeah. Exactly.”</p><p>“Sounds like you need to apologize.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I know, I <em> know </em>I just—” Sokka tears at his hair, wishing he had bangs like Zuko to pull over his entire face right now.</p><p>“Sokka, what’s stopping you?”</p><p>“I just— I know I need to apologize but,” he is going to break his hair tie if this continues, “I just don’t know how to <em> fix </em> it. Or what I’m trying to fix. Specifically, I know I’m trying to fix him but not what exactly because… And I’m scared if I do then...it’ll be something worse. Something that I just...can’t fix.”</p><p>“Oh.” Aang's hand gently touches his shoulder and Sokka realizes his head is buried in his hands. He can’t find the will power to move though. “You don’t have to fix it, you know?”</p><p>“Aang, yes I do. No offense, Not all of us can just Avatar State our way to no consequences.”</p><p>“Oh, I wasn’t saying you don’t have <em> consequences </em>just… It’s like… Well, the way I was taught it it’s like, if I accidentally throw a fruit pie at you and you don’t like it, it doesn’t matter what do to alter the past, it matters what I do to improve in the future. It matters if, once I know the behavior is wrong, if I change it.”</p><p>“So, then you can just… do you even… you know, apologize?”</p><p>“You can. And that’s great. But, what matters is what makes the world better for the other person, not just making yourself feel less guilty. I mean, I can help you clean up as many times as I want but it doesn’t matter if I keep throwing pies at you.”</p><p>“That’s um…” Wow-za. What a kid. “That’s—”</p><p>“Hi guys!” Katara walks up, grinning widely. “What are you guys talking about?” </p><p>“Oh! Uh, nothing! We’re uh, talking about Momo!” Sokka grabs the conveniently appearing lemur and holds him up as proof. “I think he’s getting old, do you think his fur is going grey? Katara? He’s going gray, right?! <em> You have to do your magic healing on him to keep him from dying of old age Katara </em>!” </p><p>“Sokka, Momo isn’t going to die of old age, he’s like, five years old.” </p><p>“Oh,” Sokka forces himself to smile and dumps the lemur in Katara’s arms, “Glad that’s cleared up. Thanks for all the help, Aang, Katara. You guys are just great!” He pats Aang on the shoulder and walks, quickly but at a still very normal speed, away from the two of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TW: mention of animal harm in first paragraph, negative talk around scars/scarring, mentions of self-harm (same self-harm mentioned in FNT)</p><p>Hmm...wonder why Sokka has so many negative ideas around scars? Hmmmm...What's going on there? o.o Wonder if we'll get to find out soon? ^_^</p><p>As always, feel free to <a href="https://constallayetions.tumblr.com/"> hit me up on tumblr! </a> I love talking about this stuff! Let me know any proverbs y'all think any of the nations would have (since I seem to end up writing a bunch of them for like...every single chapter)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bigger Mistakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! I tried to write this and it ended up being hella long so now it'll be a whole nother chapter! Later! Soon! It's written, just gotta be proofed and read about twenty times by me, each time changing the slightest comma placement, and then it'll be ready!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Boiling Rock had gone well. </p><p>Well, it had gone well for Sokka. Sokka had left with a repaired relationship with his new friend, his girlfriend and father safe and alive and traveling with him, and the success of escaping an inescapable prison. </p><p>For the new friend it had gone...not so well. </p><p>Zuko had lost— Well, last Sokka had seen both of Zuko’s scary sister’s friends were in a not ideal position. But the one that Zuko obviously really cared about (the scary knife girlfriend) was a freshly minted traitor to the Fire Nation, at the mercy of the Fire Princess so…</p><p>Zuko probably wasn’t feeling too great. </p><p>
  <strike>And not that it was like that Sokka actually wasn’t doing so great because his friend his well Zuko had almost died in a half-suicidal jump into boiling water that Sokka was the only thing stopping and then if he had failed if any any attack had just been a little more effective if Zuko had been just a little bit slower it would be another person that Sokka had ki—  </strike>
</p><p>
  <em> Look at the stars, Sokka. Just...look at the stars. Oh, wow, the moon’s pretty tonight, wonder why that was, who needed to fix that—  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Stop it Sokka, that’s not helping either.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Fuck.  </em>
</p><p>Sokka needs to apologize. He knows this. He has known this. It hasn’t happened yet. Instead, it was all ecstatic moments with Suki, with his forehead pressed against hers, enjoying the lack of warpaint rubbing off on him, and time with his father and Katara and Katara not yelling at their father (that much) for a change and Sokka avoiding Aang who still wanted to talk about that one weird conversation they had (and Sokka enjoyed Aang, he really did, he was missing his buddy, to be honest) and spending a lot of time lightly screaming into Appa’s fur. </p><p>Sokka was cool. Sokka was competent. Sokka could do this. </p><p>Sokka could do this. Sokka was going to do this. Sokka has to do this. C’mon Sokka just...move your feet. Two feet. Move ‘em. Pick one foot up. Put it down in a different place. Do that a bunch of times. C’mon Sokka. Do it. </p><p>He wonders if this would be easier if he could bend. If he could just wiggle his fingers and have a bunch of water magically push him to where he wanted to go. Or if the Ocean Spirit would take pity on him and just place him there. </p><p>Either way, it had been probably been about 258 seconds (not that Sokka was counting)  since Zuko had left while they were all sleeping and Sokka had heard his breath coming short and had heard a sigh that sounded so...and had seen him stooping to pick something out of his bag and Sokka <em> knows</em>, he knows, he knows, and he’s terrified and stuck in a sleeping bag because if he doesn’t see, doesn’t follow yet, then it might not be what he thinks it is and maybe he won’t see anything and maybe they will all wake up in the morning and eat spiced rice and tell stories about how they used to hate each other and everyone will be fine but he knows and he can't ignore it again and he’ll follow him, he promised himself he would follow and go talk to him since now it was the second night and Zuko would be alone for the first time since Boiling Rock, since the girl, since the other girl, since Zuko basically tried to throw himself into the<em> boiling water</em>, since the girl had faced off his sister and when it hit him, safe and far away in the airship, Zuko looked ready to throw himself in the water again and Sokka needed to…do something...</p><p>Sokka had watched him all of the previous night. He had gotten no sleep. Even with his father finally there to make everything okay and right and <em> safe</em>. Even with Suki there, the one person who he didn’t <em> need </em>to protect, who would wrap an arm around him and he would feel warm again. </p><p>He stayed up all night. Conveniently finding reasons that could barely hold water to follow Zuko around like a freshly imprinted seal-pup. Sitting behind him, pulling his girlfriend along, watching him fuel the ship, his hand twisting over and over and over again. </p><p>Suki fell asleep against his back and even Zuko put his forehead against the cool part of the cockpit and closed his eyes. And Sokka watched. All night. Sokka traced every bit of Zuko’s clothing, the lines of his body, how he stood, how he walked, looking for any change, any hint of discoloration, any slight wince that would have Sokka grabbing him by the hair if he had to and dragging him away, checking him over like he <em> wants </em>to do. </p><p>But, that would be inappropriate. </p><p>That would be too much. </p><p>Sokka couldn’t do that. </p><p>He could only watch. Like, he had been. Like, he will be, soon, he promises, just give him a few seconds to get a little stronger, just a few moments more and he’d be able to do it. </p><p>And, fuck him, if he wasn’t relieved when Zuko had given him that opportunity on the hunt that he had needed. The one where he could look up and down his chest, peek over his back as he pretends to look for supplies, put his hand on his thigh to steady himself as he feels for raised edges, looks for a grimace that means a new injury. </p><p>And there was none and something in Sokka’s chest loosened like it hadn’t for days. </p><p>But now it was back, with a vengeance, with claws, with something that screams for Sokka to <em> go now </em>. </p><p>He’s out of his sleeping bag in a moment. He can guess where Zuko went. He’s more predictable than anyone would expect, than Sokka would’ve expected a month ago. </p><p>He would be at the fountain, the one Sokka had shoved him into, the one he used to practice at, the one where things had become how they were now. </p><p>He walks in and sees Zuko's shiny hair, glinting in the moonlight, and Zuko's bare skin, glinting in the moonlight, and the knife he was holding, glinting in the</p><p>
  <em> Fuck </em>
</p><p>Zuko turns to see him and his face turns into shock and then a smile and then Sokka's hand grabs Zuko's wrist and twists and they both go stumbling, Sokka voluntarily crashing into his chest and Zuko's arm (in?)voluntarily coming to wrap around his waist so Zuko can take the brunt of the fall. </p><p>Zuko's hand, too warm on his hip and his bare chest too warm and Sokka's heart still feels too warm to stay in his chest, his ice cold ribs aching and he feels drenched in water, like it's dripping down his spine and forming ice in the cracks it finds, feels like he just fell in the ocean and he’s freezing, the light above the surface getting further and further away, and he’s falling, he’s falling and the only functional part of his body is holding down Zuko's arm, his weapon, his shiny, sharp thing with him while he is alone and hurting and alone and here and alone and <em> stupid </em> and mourning and</p><p>Then Zuko smirks and says “We have to stop ending up like this.”</p><p>At the same time that Sokka blurts out, “I’m sorry about your friend but this won’t make it better.”</p><p>Silence. </p><p>"Uh, what?" Zuko says, sitting up slightly so Sokka now realizes he actually is <em>on top</em> of him, where they fell when Sokka tackled him, again, with his shoulder sloping down where Sokka tightened his grip on Zuko’s wrist for some dumbass reason.</p><p>"Well, no, sorry, I didn’t meant to— I just," <em> Sokka, please breathe, this isn't about you, don’t be selfish this one time </em> , "I just...I know what people do after losing things that are important to them and I know you say that you guys broke up and I know that that changes less than a lot of people think and I'm so sorry, I am so <em> so </em> sorry but we also have to appreciate her, both of them, and how strong they are, <em> were </em> , and I'm here for you dude, I am, I always will be but this isn't, this won't do anything but hurt you, even more, and it's—  it's <em> barbaric </em> and wrong and I will, I can do anything, I swear, just ask, anything you need just let me, please, I can, I can—"</p><p>"Hey. Hey. Sokka," Sokka finally hears. Along, with feeling a hand tracing the same circle on his lower back that he had put on Zuko's hand, ages ago. </p><p>Sokka realizes that his head is in Zuko’s chest, his forehead pushing into his sternum in a way that probably hurts, but Zuko doesn’t complain. He doesn’t even flinch.  </p><p>"Sokka?" Zuko asks. Sokka can't look at him. Sokka cannot look at him. Sokka don’t— </p><p>"Sokka?" He asks again, quietly. "Sokka, what did you think I was going to do?" </p><p>Dimly, Sokka realizes that he probably looks insane, that he probably isolated him even more, that this is a <em> Sokka</em>-problem, his problem, Zuko probably doesn’t even know what Sokka is rambling about, probably wanting to be left alone without a loudmouth to keep blabbering about his dead ex-girlfriend. </p><p>However, he also realizes that this might just be a way to convince him he’s fine, to figure out what he’s concerned about and shut down any worry, feign stupidity, silliness, Sokka would know, he’s done it so many times with the rest of the group and he wouldn’t, couldn’t fall for it here </p><p>So instead he asks into his neck, "What were you going to do?" </p><p>He doesn’t want the answer, he <em> needs </em> the answer, but he doesn’t want it, he doesn’t want to <em> know </em>it, as selfish as it sounds he doesn’t want another thing to fix when he doesn’t know how to fix it, can’t fix it, can’t even fix himself, pathetic and aching and ruined along the way, he can’t help when Zuko will say, for sure, that— </p><p>"I was going to have a snack. You want some mango?"</p><p>Not that. Sokka didn’t expect that one. He really didn’t. </p><p>Before he knows, he’s laughing, shaky and water-y and feels the chest under him moving and metal clatters against tile and two arms were around squeezing around his ribs and up his back and softly reaching into his hair and stroking it in the way Katara used to do a long, long time ago. Like, a <em> long </em> time ago. Like, if he mentioned it to her, if she tried to do it again, she wouldn’t remember how.</p><p>Which makes Sokka start laughing again, what a laughing stock he was, what a funny little idiot, class clown, acting like a child, whining like a baby, wishing, thinking about how his kid sister used to hold him long ago, while she was just a little kid and he was a wanna-be warrior. What a joke. </p><p>The hand in his hair continues though. As he laughs, as he keeps laughing, as he stops laughing. </p><p>Sokka is virtually still sitting on the boy he is supposed to be comforting and has ended up failing at that, as always, what a surprise what a pathetic, <em>you have to stop you have to  </em></p><p>“Shit, Zuko, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry I should just I think my dad actually you know what and I think thank you again I’m glad that yeah I’m sorry my bad du—”</p><p>“Sokka.” Zuko says. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Would you like some mango?” </p><p>“...yeah.”</p><p>The hand is his hair nudges him, softly, just enough so Sokka takes his face out of the crook of Zuko’s neck (why had he put his, how did he ever end up here, god he was going to lose every friend he ever had, it’s amazing Zuko isn’t turning tail and running now, reporting him to his dad, or Aang, or somebody, creep alert, mess alert, leave him in the bottom of the Air Temple, let’s take out the Fire Lord alone, use him as bait, leave him in the ocean, he’ll swim if he’s strong enough) Zuko gently, so gently puts a hand on his face then, his thumb tracing his jaw and Sokka’s brain goes quieter, the panic feeling stays but the words relax and leave. </p><p>Zuko reaches behind himself and grabs what Sokka hadn’t seen is his rush: a normal, ripe mango, rolled away during Sokka’s attack. </p><p>Zuko quirks an eyebrow as if to say, ‘see? Proof?’ as if Sokka wouldn’t believe the ‘mango’ thing until Zuko produced an actual mango (which is a fair assessment even if it’s unfair that Zuko already knows that about him). </p><p>Then he turns, and grabs the other thing, the metal thing, the thing that had fallen to the floor in Sokka’s little episode, gods, his episode, his little freak-out, his moment, letting Zuko get the knife back, killing thing back, the bad thing, this was a trick, of course Zuko would know to bring a back-up, an excuse if he’s caught, hasn’t Sokka done the same thing? Hasn’t Sokka brought sharpening stones, just touching up the blade, just checking it, just cleaning, nothing to see here, go to bed, I’ll be back soon, don’t worry and here Sokka is, falling for the same thing</p><p>The same panic feeling grows inside him, the one that was laughter a second ago and now feels like his lungs are collapsing, no not collapsing just turning inside out, melting inside to the rest of his flesh like in Zuko’s stories, in Zuko’s stories where all firebenders learned control which Sokka had never learned, never understood, and he here, he always proved, no ability to push it down enough, always breaking in stupid ways, never strong enough, he should do better, he needs to do better, calm down, calm down, calm down Sokka</p><p>“You want to cut it?” Zuko asks, pressing both into his hands. </p><p>The cold metal brings him back. </p><p>It settles into his palm. It burns, like ice from home.</p><p>It’s nice craftsmanship, in a fancy sheath, looks Earth Kingdom. Sokka feels like he can breath again. One of the hands is on his lower back. Making circle after circle. </p><p>Sokka can feel the slightest pull at the edge of his lips, along with burning at the back of his eyes. His breath comes just quick enough for him to know, for him to be reminded of how he usually deals with this, how to choke it down. </p><p>Sokka unsheathes the knife and deftly cuts the mango in half, putting one aside. </p><p>Vertical strips, repeating one after another, practiced hands knowing just where to stop, just how to save his fingers, Horizontal strips, again and again and again, pushing at the back of the peel and in one cut, leaving them a half skin full of mango chunks. </p><p>“Thanks.” Zuko says. </p><p>Sokka hears a noise that actually, no, that noise came from <em> him</em>, <em> his </em>throat and Sokka realizes that he’s crying now. </p><p>He hasn’t cried. In a long time. In a really long time. He isn’t sobbing. He doesn’t think he is, at least. He can still breathe. Kind of. Even if his breath hitches a little every few seconds. His face is just wet, he isn’t sobbing. He isn’t. </p><p>He’s even put together enough to register Zuko reaching out and taking a piece, chewing slowly. </p><p>He hears him say, “Sokka, you should have some.”</p><p>He hears him say, “Sokka.” </p><p>He hears him say, “Sokka, would you like some?”</p><p>And Sokka knows that he nods and then he registers Zuko taking another piece, gently, <em> so </em>gently, touching his face (no one had done that since Suki, since before her, it was so rare, it was Bato’s war paint, it was constant hits on the back of the head, his own hand pressing into forehead, it had been yanks on the wolftail, it had been so long) holding his jaw so Sokka opens it and Zuko puts a piece in his mouth. </p><p>It tastes good. It tastes really, really good. </p><p>Sokka thinks he might be crying harder now. </p><p>They sit like that for...who knows how long. Zuko eats another piece of mango. Zuko feeds a piece to Sokka. Sokka keeps crying. </p><p>Eventually, they finish the half so Zuko pushes the other one into Sokka’s hands and he repeats the ritual. </p><p>Vertical strips, one after another after another, Sokka hiccups, Sokka takes a deep breath, Zuko traces circles on his back.</p><p>Horizontal strips, again and again and again, Zuko gently puts a hand in his hair, Sokka breathes easier, he swallows so hard that he’s sure they could hear it back at the camp, one after another, after another. </p><p>He pushes at the back of the skin, in a single cut, leaving just pieces of mango. </p><p>He picks up one of the pieces, and stares at it. And stares at it. And stares at it. </p><p>Zuko grabs his wrist, and gently guides it to Sokka’s mouth. </p><p>It tastes good. Really good. </p><p>“I thought—” Sokka starts. His voice sounds like he’s not crying. That’s good. Except he can’t keep talking. That’s not as good. </p><p>It feels like there’s another mango, lodged into his throat, big and solid and unmoving and Sokka keeps trying to push, he <em> wants </em>to tell Zuko but instead he just can’t and can’t stop thinking the word ‘can’t’ over and over, can’t, can’t tell him, can’t talk, can’t help him, can’t stop crying </p><p>“Can I?” Zuko asks, his hands on his face. </p><p>Sokka nods, of course he nods, he said anything, he’d give him anything, allow anything, and he means it. He just hopes it’s something he can do. Sokka doesn’t seem to be in top-shape right now.</p><p>But, instead, Zuko just gently, swipes his thumb, from his nose to his cheekbone, trailing right under his eye, one side, then the other. </p><p>Sokka realizes his face feels less wet. Sokka realizes— </p><p>Oh. </p><p>“Sorry.” He mutters. </p><p>“It’s fine.” Zuko says, still holding on, Sokka’s face still pressed between his thumbs and Sokka leans forwards slightly and feels Zuko hold him up, easily taking the weight for him, letting his shoulders loosen and relief flow through his neck, releasing a headache he didn’t even know he had. </p><p>So, Sokka looks up. </p><p>His eyes are so golden. So wide. Pupils widen when they see him, Zuko’s own breath catching, his own eyes searching in his. He looks so concerned and that shouldn’t be, that isn’t, no, that’s, and Sokka’s suppose to, and he <em> offered </em> , and he came down here to <em> help</em>, dammit</p><p>Zuko’s thumb moves again and the tension flows out of Sokka again, easy, immediate. </p><p>If Zuko moves his hands right now, Sokka knows he would fall forward straight into the stone, dissipate like liquid, sink into the earth like Toph was commanding it, would never be seen again, never heard from ever. </p><p>“I thought…” Sokka tries again. </p><p>It doesn’t work. The words don’t jam this time, instead, they just float out of his head, all jumbled images that still ache in Sokka’s chest, like smoke kept in his lungs too long, like inhaling a campfire, but impossible to put into words that could be given to another human being, drifting away like steam, like dew in the morning sun. </p><p>“I’m sorry” is the only thing that manages to make sense.</p><p>“I’m sorry about her. About both of them. And I’m—” Zuko’s eyes were <em> so </em> wide, so deep, the gold mixing with browns, the black at the center promising so much that Sokka doesn’t know what it is or means and it feels bad, like rubbing on freshly scraped skin, it feels good, like covering a fresh wound after a long fight, “I’m sorry about what I said. And I know, I <em> know </em> there is a lot I can’t fix. And I wanted to, and I still want to but I know that sometimes… that’s not what’s best. Or even possible. I’m sorry I said that about...scars and all. And I didn’t get to explain but I would never, I would <em> never </em>want you to think that about yourself. To be ashamed. You could— Nothing you— Never. You never would, could, anything, not for that. I didn’t… And I should have...noticed more. I’ll do better, try to be better. But, I… I also from the… your hand. I should’ve… done things differently. I should have been there. I just...didn’t know how. And I was so...so scared. Zuko I… I… I want you to be safe. So much. So, so much. And I’m so scared, I’m scared for everyone, of course, all the time but I just… I know how to take care of them. And I have no..no idea how to take care of you.”</p><p>Sokka has to look away or he’s sure those gold eyes will drown him. </p><p>“And I’m so sorry. And I am...and will...try so hard to do better for you. In the future.” </p><p>Sokka isn’t crying. He’s really proud of himself. </p><p>Zuko opens his mouth three times before actually speaking (and couldn’t Sokka swear that used to be his move and how much is everything really changing). “Thank you Sokka. It is appreciated. Your apology is accepted and the… any hurt created is forgiven. I...feel a lot better now. And look forward to a better future.” </p><p>It sounds so mechanical and horrid and <em> Zuko </em> but it is also the terrible sentimental, caring thing that he’s probably pulling out from half-accurate cultural scrolls of how to accept an apology and Sokka tries to laugh but it comes out as a hiccup and <em> shit </em></p><p>He accidentally looks at Zuko again. </p><p>Do not start crying, please don’t start crying, don’t start crying, you’ve cried enough. </p><p>Wait. </p><p>You <em> cried </em>in front of him. </p><p>You <em> cried</em>. Like a baby. Like a child. Leave. You have to leave. Go. Now, Sokka. Go. Get off him, what the fuck are you still doing in his lap like a</p><p>Another piece of mango ends up in Sokka’s mouth. </p><p>“Good, isn’t it?” Zuko says. </p><p>Sokka nods. </p><p>Zuko eats a piece. </p><p>And another piece. And gives another to Sokka. </p><p>“Do you want to...talk about it?” He carefully measures out. </p><p>“About…” Great, Sokka, so smart, <em> fucking dumbass </em>.</p><p>“About...what’s happening right now.”</p><p>“Yes.” Sokka says. “Definitely.” Definitively. He does. He wants to talk about it. </p><p> He doesn’t say anything. Not good. Not progress there. </p><p>“Okay,” Zuko says, clueing into the situation, “Do you… can you tell me what you...came up here for?”</p><p>Sokka cannot, it seems. </p><p>“Okay.” Zuko says. “I mean… I can try to...puzzle it out. I guess? If you…” Sokka nods his permission, “Okay. okay. Um… it was… late. And I left? And I guess that was…”</p><p>“Concerning.” Sokka chokes out. One word. Nice. </p><p>Which Zuko seems to think too as he looks at him again and his face melts into a smile that sets off alarm bells in Sokka’s head, clanging together like an abbey’s being destroyed (not that either of them had experience). </p><p>“Okay.” Zuko says. “And… then you came down here and you saw...me...and…?” Zuko’s face frowns, losing that smile, puzzled instead and Sokka can’t, not that</p><p>“The knife.” Sokka says. Two words. Even better. </p><p>“The knife.” Zuko repeats, gaze drifting down to where Sokka still held it. “The knife… You…”</p><p>Zuko’s eyes snap up to his and bleed recognition.</p><p>“You thought I was going to hurt myself.” </p><p>It’s hushed, quiet, and Sokka <em> can’t</em>, he can’t, he needs to, dammit, fuck, anywhere but here and…</p><p>Hands, on his back, reaching around to his shoulders, squeezing, pulling him back to Zuko and Sokka can feel his back again, his spine, his lungs in his chest, the head pressing into his hair, the arms around him. </p><p>“Yeah.” Sokka says. “I thought. Yeah.”</p><p>And what a stupid thing to say, putting the cards down now, no room to bluff anymore, no room to hide, no buffer so that he can check he just needs to check, wake up, see they’re all there, make sure they’re sleeping, joke about Toph's snoring if anyone wakes up, make sure Katara isn’t crying when she does the dishes because we know who taught her to do that, joke about the cracks if she notices, refuse to wash the dishes, watch, watch, make sure Toph stays at the camp, make sure Toph doesn’t leave, make sure Toph doesn’t wander off and disappear into the ground because that happens sometimes and she’ll sit there for hours and hours and Sokka can’t help if she’s that far away but he can continually stomp over where he knows she is and practice his puns until she gets irritated enough and bursts out and Sokka pretends to be surprised and squak like an ostrich-hen and ask Aang more things, challenge him to Air Ball again, get your ass handed to you in Air Ball, let him tell you about the strategies and who made the strategies and let him talk about his friend who made the Flying Duck strategy (which really, never worked, Aang would add on) and Aang doesn’t cry but he’ll smile in his sad way and move onto the next thing in a burst of energy but come up to Sokka at night and hug him so tight that Sokka is sure Air Benders can just take the air out of your lungs so Sokka will ask the next day about the craftsmanship of his staff (used to, can’t any more) or the fabric of his clothes or Air Temple architecture and Aang will chatter on like Momo and then he flies off and it’s back to Toph, annoying her until she has an excuse to run off some steam and then it’s back to Katara, pushing her until she’s immature, fighting about nothing, being a little kid again and then it’s to Zuko and there’s...no plan. He was supposed to have a plan. And there’s no plan, the plan fell through, why did the plan fall through, why did Sokka let the plan fall through, how could Sokka— </p><p>“Hey, hey,” Zuko grips him by the shoulders, his hands coming back up his collarbones, cupping his face again in the way that feels so— so— “look at me.”</p><p>Sokka would give him anything. Of course he does. </p><p>“I’m not going to.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh </em>
</p><p>“I’m never going to. The other, that time, it was an accident. I’m...yeah, really careless. And a little...I just act kind of stupid. But, it’s an accident. It won’t happen on purpose, ever, I promise.”</p><p>Sokka’s brain stays quiet. </p><p>“And, uh…” Zuko coughs “I, uh, I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t communicate that. And I, uh, will try to do better. By not concerning my… by not concerning you.”</p><p>Gods, it was so awkward, maybe Zuko is just like that, Sokka looks up at him and says, easily, old words that his Gran Gran taught him  “I accept and I fully forgive, thank you for repairing what was hurt and returning what was lost and I look forward to a better bond because of it.”     </p><p>Zuko lips twitch up and he nods.</p><p>Somehow, his arms end up back around him and Sokka’s face ends up back in his chest.</p><p>“Do you want to tell me why”</p><p>“It’s kind of a long story.”</p><p>“Hey, we still have almost a fourth a mango.” </p><p>Sokka pushes back, up into the familiar place (that shouldn’t be familiar, not now) of Zuko’s neck and laughs into it. </p><p>“Okay,” he says pulling back. “Okay.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TW: mentions of self-harm (Sokka thinks that Zuko is going to self-harm out of guilt because of Mai and Ty Lee) and also Sokka basically has what you can interpret as a panic-attack</p><p>Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed! This was super, super fun to write, especially taking Sokka's usual way of speaking/thinking and twisting it in this kind of way.<br/>I also really liked this bc Sokka is so interesting to write about. Especially in this chapter, part of why I wrote it this way is because, in the series, we never actually get to see him talk about something that's bothering him. The closest we get is when he talks about feeling inadequate in Sokka's master and we can see that his reaction is usually to go nonverbal/isolate and his insecurity there that he's verbalized is one that he's had months to think about and fully realize. Meanwhile, every other time he talks about something sensitive (Yue, his mother) it's purely in the service of others (explaining his actions to Suki, comforting Zuko, helping Zuko/Toph with Katara). So, I really don't think this boy is good at talking about or even recognizing his own emotions. Even in Sokka's Master, he's only able to say 'I feel inadequate' because he's not able to protect them. Not able to say 'I feel bad' or 'I feel sad' or that kind of recognition. And even then, it doesn't get sat with. Instead, Katara suggests a coping mechanism, shopping (which is effective! If still being a temporary bandage without resolving the feelings behind it so it can actually be healed or even acknowledged.) So, this sort of sprung out of that. I really think that if Sokka was ever in a situation where he was confronted with emotions to the extent we see here, he really wouldn't be able to deal with it and it would show up in a complete loss of functionality. From experience, I can tell you that if you don't talk about feelings/trauma/whatever for a long time when it comes time to actually talk about them...the words just aren't there. The skill isn't developed. So, that's why this was as drastic as it was, it's really the first time in a long, long time that Sokka has 1. felt the need to protect someone and had absolutely no way to do it (no plan for the plan guy) and 2. Had someone fully recognize what he was feeling and let it just happen, and not try to fix it, leading to it not being something that Sokka has to fight down and 3. A time that Sokka actually gets cared for, which probably hasn't happened since his mom died and, instead, he feels like he's the one who has to care for others (which is the same as Katara's experience, even as they do it in very different ways.)<br/>TL;DR: Basically, I think that if anyone actually tried to take care of Sokka, he would have a complete breakdown because he doesn't even remember how to accept it or recognize that he needs it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Older Marks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW in end notes!</p><p>There will be more to the series! I promise. I'm trying to get the next two to be a lil...fluffier since we had a lot of angst XD but also it's unpacking Sokka's tramua hours so idk how the ball's gonna land on that one.<br/>Again, thank you all so much for reading and the wonderful response, all the love.<br/>(Also, if I don't respond to your comment fast, I promise I'm going to and I've read it, probably a few times, and it has given me joy I also am just really bad at doing things in a timely matter. I am so, so grateful for all of them &lt;3.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I...um…” Sokka pushes a hand against his stomach, willing himself to be okay, to be able to do this, “It was…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He exhales, allowing the shakiness, the stuttering to take him again, not like there would be any coming back from this, there already would be no coming back from this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dad— I, uh, you know my mom’s dead, right?” Sokka blurts out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes…? Um...Katara told me? In...Ba Sing Se?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, cool, great, not great because...anyway. So. In my...for me and, you know, my dad we were, uh…” Sokka is going to start crying, he should look away at...anything…anything else...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were supposed to protect her. We failed.” Zuko doesn’t say anything but his hand tightens around his hip (not that it makes Sokka feel safe, it doesn’t because he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he—) and the other hand snakes back up into his hair and that...makes Sokka feel so...not unsafe. So…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was… And so, in, for us, the men are supposed to be the warriors. Supposed to protect. Everyone. Your wife, your kids, your family, your entire tribe. If someone dies, you have to remember them. I thought it was, it was, you were supposed to remember not to make the same mistake. To not lose someone the same way. But, anyway, it was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a way to do better. Adapt, and improve and honor their memory</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we, my dad and us in the Southern Tribe, we get tattoos. And I...um, honestly, I loved it. Well, I didn’t...it was horrible. It hurt. Tattoos hurt. And I was just a kid. But, it helped me remember her. Move on. And think I did something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After each raid, the men, and I was old enough to join, we would go in the meeting tent together and help tattoo anyone who had lost someone. You trace the wound on them, basically. And some of them would have the most intricate designs in them, it would be amazing. And beautiful. And wonderful. And...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then the one with my mom happened. And I uh, I got this,” Sokka could not take off his shirt, not yet, he… that’ll happen later, it didn’t need to happen yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls the collar aside, showing half of it, which should, </span>
  <em>
    <span>must, </span>
  </em>
  <span>be enough and continues, “and I was proud, you know? To remember her and to… It’s a way, a ritual I guess, to swear forward. To protect. To not...do it again. Lose anyone again. And I… I thought of Katara. And I would never, ever, looking at this and knowing how it </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt </span>
  </em>
  <span>as a little kid, I would never lose her. Could never... I would do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have nothing happen to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that was the first one I had. And I’m proud. I am proud of it and happy and so happy with Katara and I would do anything for her and for my family. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then we went to the North Pole. And they’re...different there. And I was with a bunch of the boys. Their warriors. And they were young and more, brutal, I guess? We fought, that first day, and I wasn’t there right before, I only got there just as everything happened. And… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, that night, I expected to go to whatever their version of the meeting tent was. That didn’t happen. Sorry I…” Sokka’s breath was coming quick again, quicker, fast, and he couldn’t… keep talking it was all… weird, different and not working, again</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mango?” Zuko asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it did make things better. And Zuko showed him a cool rock, flat and smooth, that he apparently got from Toph. And that helped too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks buddy.” Sokka whispers and his throat settles again. “That night… the younger boys were separated. Which I thought was weird, but also, different tribe, things are done differently.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wants to laugh. He wants to make a joke and forget all this. He wants to stop talking, but no going back at this point. “And it— things were done different. They explained that to me. I asked them and...they…” Sokka breathes out, shaky. His hand reaches to scratch at his collarbone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They told me that they didn’t just want to ‘honor their memory’. They wanted to never make the mistake again. They wanted to remember their own failure. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what we did… That </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what my tattoo meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then, I thought that they would um...I thought they would do what we do. But, they didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They used just...knives. Scars. I hadn’t… I knew that scars were, in our culture, which isn’t true elsewhere, I know and you are, I mean, you know who you are and how you look and all, for us...scars are terrible. I would never...if I ever saw one on Katara, I don’t know— I couldn’t— It’s… It’s a…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka’s voice quiets, goes to that place that cracks like he’s alone in the South Pole again, a kid and growing out of every parka they had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a failure. Not for you, not for you at all,” Sokka covers, he can see Zuko’s eyes, how they shrink, how he tenses and Sokka wants to burrow into that and take out any hint of self-loathing left, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs </span>
  </em>
  <span>Zuko to know that like he needs to breath and his hands find Zuko's jaw, Zuko’s face, soft in his hands, just like Zuko did for him, “listen it’s...listen first then...scars </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> a point of shame. But not </span>
  <em>
    <span>for you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not for you at all. They’re for whoever was with you, for whoever was supposed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>protect </span>
  </em>
  <span>you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka searches his expression, moving from scarred eye to unscarred eye and back again, looking deep and deep and deeper for any sign that Zuko doesn’t believe him, that Zuko still </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sokka to fix this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Zuko murmurs, eyes trailing down to look at Sokka’s hand. “That’s why you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” Sokka says, melting again, and he should be better, he should hang on for longer, he should have been able to take care of…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Zuko smiles softly again and Sokka decides, fuck it, just this once, just this </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>time. It was fine. It was okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry that no one…” Sokka says and swears that Zuko’s eyes are gleaming. He can’t have that. It’s… “But I’m here now. And I won’t… It would never… I said, about family.” He looks Zuko, dead in the eyes. “It applies. And I mean it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko nods, and somehow, Sokka knows it worked, it won’t need repeating for him to believe it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep going,” Zuko asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The… In the North, they… It was with knives and it was for everyone. Everybody. Every injury. Every single one. And I was…” Sokka laughs. “I was stupid. I was happy to be in a tribe, in a fighting force at all and feel like I contributed. So, I did it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka ignores Zuko’s tense jaw, him sitting up more, grateful for just having someone closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We lost 32 men that day, with 17 injured so…” Best rip-off the tack-bandage now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka shrugs off his shirt, where, across his ribs on his right side, the 49 marks were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows what they look like, has spent enough time looking in the mirror, staring and staring and staring, (imagining his dad’s face, it melting from horrified to proud to ashamed, Sokka had lost so many people, so many, failed so many and </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>would always know, one look at they’d know). They were shiny, light and thin. On a first glance, one could miss them. They were small, even if they were deep. The boys had taught him surgical precision, using sharp knives and a harsh hand. Everyone in the Water Tribe knew how to heal well, how to avoid the scars that would keep your loved ones up at night. Horizontal, again and again and again and again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see Zuko looking over, seeing them, seeing the rest of him and the question and the… “I’ll… other things come later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko nods like that’s enough explanation and Sokka wonders how this boy is the same obsessive, self-absorbed asshole who tied his sister to a tree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They hurt. A lot. Like...yeah. They’re deep so they stay forever and so… it’s… you feel it. And the leader did it for me. He was very...experienced with it. And I thought we were done. But, the next day started again and… we all prepared. I thought it would be the usual but… and, they brought a salt wash. And told us to use it and all the boys just went to, rubbing it in and… for the day of fighting, they brought us all another knife, salt-soaked to...commemorate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And honestly? You...you wouldn’t believe the rush. It’s incredible. They had something they said, special, I don’t remember it but basically, the salt was so you remember to fight for everyone you had lost and everyone you couldn't lose. The fresh cut was just...something more to use. And it works. That day...I couldn’t even… I was… Nothing could hurt me. I would have charged into a spear, almost did, in the name of protecting people I was so...just...out of it and angry and hurt and had something to feed it all to and… and… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It felt really good. It was scary how good it felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That night, we went back, we did the same, 22 dead, 15 injured.” Sokka had another 37 in an orderly line over his left ribs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then a girl, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the </span>
  </em>
  <span>girl, the, uh, ‘turned into the moon’ one? Well, that happened. She had to...sacrifice herself. To save the Northern Tribe and… so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka reaches up, takes off the necklace he never takes off and turns, enough that Zuko can see the back of his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka knows what’s there. One of the boys, younger, slightly, too young to be fighting but they all were, weren’t they? He offered to help, knowing, somehow, Sokka and Yue’s...situation. And Sokka had seen him and he had been beautiful with a knife, sure and practiced and he cut deep and precise. Some boys made it hurt. Some boys made it neat. He made it both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, here, he had helped Sokka and now a perfectly carved, into the delicate skin on the back of his neck, right on top of his spine, was a full moon. Every line, pock, crater shown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had taken hours. It had hurt. It had felt amazing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko ran a thumb over it and Sokka shivers once, and then he does it again and Sokka’s whole body </span>
  <em>
    <span>jerks</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He had pressed into it for months, keep it like that, salt in it, salt in it, salt in it, Sokka, scratch it, pick away the scab, wash the blood off your hands, don’t let it heal, Sokka, don’t forget, scratch, scratch, keep scratching, Sokka, </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t forget</span>
  </em>
  <span>, don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>up again, like the boys would whisper to themselves, to others, </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t lose someone else, Sokka, Sokka!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span> “Sokka! Shit, Sokka, sorry, I’m sorry!” Zuko yells, no, whispers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey, Zuko. It’s fine, don’t worry about it, dude.” Sokka says. That probably wasn’t right. That’s probably not good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko still looks relieved, that’s good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is, uh, is touching them...bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka sighs. “I don’t know” is all he says. It’s not like the circumstances had come up many times. He really doesn’t know. He wishes he did but… “Is yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...I think so? I usually think it’s something that… it just scares me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka nods, he looks down, he doesn’t want to see if he’s wrong, “It’s like...you learn that there’s one way that people will touch you and...it’s hard to forget that. So, every time...it’s nice...but it hurts too. And you just...don’t know. How it’ll fall that time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks up and Zuko looks...shocked, slack jawed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, so, uh—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Zuko cuts him off. “Yeah. That’s it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka feels his lips pull and smiles at him. Feels his eyes soften again and if they get wet, if Zuko sees, it’s would fine. It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And if Sokka gently, gently, gently rests his forehead on Zuko’s sternum, it would be fine. It would okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see it again?” Zuko asks. And of course, Sokka would give that to him, he said anything, of course, it means anything. “I won’t touch...not unless you, of course.” Sokka meets his eyes and his mouth moves involuntarily again and Sokka ducks his head to the side to hide it, all of a sudden his heart twinging and it becoming too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stares out, into the darkness of the cliffside in the night as he feels Zuko looking at him. As he lets Zuko look at him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really pretty.” Zuko says. Sokka’s gaze drifts back against his will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swallows. “Thanks. I… I like to remember her. No matter what.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence settles. Sokka decides it’s time for the rest. Better now than later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After that it got… I got used to the fight. It felt good, it felt like it made me better and I got… I mean…” Zuko could see, the nice, neat perfect vertical lines, one after another, slicing through his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was...before everything. The fights. Almost fights. Anything. And then, a way to calm down. It wasn’t… I mean, don’t get me wrong it was never a...off-duty thing it wasn’t, it was only before a fight or right after it was...very purposeful. But we also never really got...an off-duty time. And I don’t...anymore. At all. I… it...yeah…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then Ba Sing Se happened and I...uh...my dad and I had a long talk. Well we didn’t, not about,” Sokka gestures to the entire front of him, “but, anyway, Aang did...die. And it was on me. I mean, obviously, it’s not like, I mean, I wasn’t the one that shot her with lighting! But...um, he’s, you know? He’s one of my people. He’s one of, it’s, I’m supposed to take care of him. They’re all the, everyone is, we’re a...they’re.” Sokka stops himself. “You all are everything to me. And Aang died. So, while we were with my Dad I asked him to do this for me,” Sokka turns again and gestures towards his lower back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, his tattoo was. It was the same location as Aang’s scar, but a different pattern. Instead, circles went up Sokka’s spine, the extent that Aang’s tattoo spread and thin black lines stretched horizontally across the extent of Aang’s scar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko, softly asks, “Can I touch it? Do you...do you want me to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, that’s...fine” Sokka whispers and he can feel, his fingers light, barely brushing over his spine, over the other way, like a cut through it and</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ache came softer this time. Expected. Welcomed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like a warm cloth on a seizing muscle. Like a cool hand during a fever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokks turns back to Zuko. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, I guess the point of all that is, well, I thought you would do that for her. Or for them. The uh, the bad version. I don’t know. I know the Fire Nation is harsh and...the Northern Tribe didn’t used to do that. Not before the war. I don’t know if the older warriors even know but, from how my group talked about it, kept it hidden, I’m sure they didn’t know the extent. It’s...bad. And I don’t...wouldn’t want you to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Sokka.” Zuko smiles. “And I appreciate the...concern.” Zuko says the words like it hurts. Maybe it does. Zuko hasn’t had much of it. “And I…” his face softens again “I appreciate you telling me. I can...what you said about the...everything for… I’d do the same. For you. I, uh, um, yeah. That’s…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Zuko?” Sokka asks, taking pity on his sweet and terribly effective way of telling another person they cared about them, which of course, it was scary, it was new, it was fresh and fast for both of them and it was all the more to lose. “Can I have some more mango?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko smiles </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span> (and Sokka tries to keep it in his brain, pressed close, a way to make it through the next stomach dropping worry) and wordlessly gives him another one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka laughs, feels his skin shiver <em>wanting</em>, needing, and rushes forward, suddenly, hearing Zuko’s slightly yelp of surprise, but the ache just came so fast and there, as Sokka knew, Zuko squeezed, one hand finding a place in his hair, and Sokka buries his face in his neck and feels the ache melt and knows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is safe. Zuko is safe. And okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And somehow, Sokka gets to be safe here too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>///</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked up the next morning, trading jokes (well, Sokka trading jokes and Zuko either laughing, shoving him, or swearing) and guesses of what stupid things the kids (since they got to be the oldest so the others had to be the kids) would get up to today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Zuko, before they had to face the rest, slipped the knife into Sokka’s hand, with a smile and stammered out his want for Sokka to take care of it for him (not saying what he actually wanted, what Sokka somehow </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Zuko wanted him to feel safe, to not be worried like that again). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sokka smiled, tucked it into his pocket and takes the other boy’s hand, looking it over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wound had totally healed, only a vague trace of a circle on the palm that would fade within the coming weeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Sokka smiled and, for once, felt no need to trace it on his own skin.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TW: for self-harm (this gets very, very explicit. Sokka talks about tattooing practices that turn into cutting in a war environment with other boys, using salt to keep them open/make them sting, and use them to punish himself/desensitize himself to fight better/a way to relieve adrenaline). Warning, this whole chapter is about that so I recommend skipping the whole chapter if you need to. I will include any pertinent plot info in later installments, as always.<br/>Similar warning for panic attacks as the last chapter. </p><p>Hi yall! So, in this chapter. Lots of self-harm. Right off the bat, I just want to acknowledge one thing: this is not scarification and is not meant to be about that. At all. Those practices are cultural and ones that should be respected and I do not want to see anything in the comments of people vilifying any actual cultural practices. Unless you are part of that specific culture, it really is not your place to do so.<br/>The reason I looked at this here was self-harm, specifically, as a way to make boys be better at going to war. The things that Sokka talks about at the North Pole are ones that are not ritualistic, not traditional (as they developed recently during the war) and are not condoned within the larger culture. If anything it’s more of Mad Max type situation I guess? (Not to use Mad Max as an example) In the way of how they use the spray cans (and there is a clear difference between that and the scarification practices they have) by using drugs (huffing in Mad Max and self-harm endorphins in this case) to desensitize boys to their own deaths. I wanted to look at, in this case at least, how a cultural practice and belief (using tattooing to remember lost loved ones and protect alive loved ones) can be corrupted in the eyes of war, especially combined with toxic ideas of who needs to protects said loved ones and how that can be filtered through a child’s brain when they are forced to find maladaptive ways to live in a war period, especially if they are meant to participate in it.<br/>Also, this is just a lot of Sokka and Sokka’s highkey trauma that like...someone should deal with? I guess? But, no one did enough in canon so now I’m going to :) The boys are finally getting some fucking communication, thank christ.</p><p>As always, feel free to <a href="https://constallayetions.tumblr.com/"> hit me up on tumblr! </a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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